Crappy Friends

Crappy Friends

An advice podcast for females of all ages! Crappy Friends discusses female friendship: the good, the bad, the ugly. Bestselling authors (and best friends) Kristan Higgins and Joss Dey talk about common red flags, difficulties in friendship, how to overcome difficulties and when to ditch your crappy friend. Female friendship at its best brings immeasurable value to your life. At its worst, it can be heartbreaking. Tune in, and send your letters to

All Episodes

You've been friends--BEST friends--for years, but now it seems like you're getting to be the third wheel, because Bestie has found someone new. And she's not always super nice, either. Can this friendship still work? Can it be fixed, or should it be left behind, and how will you know which to try? The Ladies discuss, and Kristan shares the mystery of the missing white strip.

Dec 3

24 min 44 sec

When you grow up with narcissistic parents, it's hard to get out of the habit of catering to everyone's needs but your own. And then, when your own child, now grown, seems to be taking your help and love for granted, it's hard to know how to deal with that, too. The Ladies discuss the difficulties of being honest with a grown child, sticking up for yourself, and, in an epic #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem, the dangers of self-tanning spray.

Nov 17

26 min 21 sec

What is it about friend groups that can be so complicated? Why are we so territorial sometimes? What happens when we like some in the group but not others? Barby Ingle shares her wisdom with the Ladies, as well as her personal experience with chronic pain and how it affects friendships.

Nov 10

37 min 46 sec

Does she like you? Does she like you not? Once, you were soul sisters, but now the message is mixed. She takes forever to return texts, then invites you out for an awkward dinner. Is she jealous of your new passion in life? Are you jealous of hers? The Ladies discuss, plus a follow-up letter from someone with a crappy sister!

Nov 4

23 min 33 sec

It's been a wonderful friendship. The problem is, she's struggling these days, financially and otherwise, and you're doing GREAT. You want to help her, give her money, shore up her self esteem, but you don't want to overstep. The Ladies discuss how to be helpful without alienating her. Also, adventures in underwear sightings for our Embarrassing Personal Problems. 

Oct 28

29 min 38 sec

You've done the hard work of cleaning up your act and understand your crappy childhood, and you're doing great…except when those two friends are around. You've changed, they haven't, and maybe this long friendship can be tweaked, or maybe it should head for the graveyard.

Oct 23

20 min 8 sec

Do you always seem to attract the wrong kind of friend? What is it about you that keeps you investing in friendships that don't make you happy? Danielle Ingenito talks about energy and how you can adjust yours to attract the right kind of person. This also explains Joss's eternal question: Why does everyone want to be my friend? It's her mojo, baby! It all makes so much sense after hearing Danielle speak!

Sep 29

36 min 8 sec

This friend and you have history…a really good history! But something's changed or shifted, and you want to get back on track and feel close again. Is it possible? YES, say the Ladies! We outline and discuss the steps to fix the fixable and become, perhaps, closer than ever.

Sep 23

26 min 55 sec

Whoo, that question! We've all wondered if WE are the problem and how responsible we might be for hurt feelings. This letter writer asks the eternal question: "Was it me?" The Ladies discuss, and Kristan once again overshares her embarrassing personal medical issues.

Sep 16

29 min 47 sec

Why do we put up with a crappy friend for SO LONG? Why do we keep giving them chances? An epic tale of red flags and insults, followed by a tale of the Mean Coworker and how to handle her. Plus, Joss is due for another pedicure. Soon, salons will have her photo at the front desk…

Sep 9

30 min 30 sec

Two's company, three is maybe a stalker. Are you terrified one friend will freak out if you go out without her? Is your friend having to sneak away to see you? What the hell is that about, anyway? The Ladies discuss this and another letter in which being left out, or wanting to leave someone else out, is at the forefront.

Sep 2

22 min 16 sec

Okay, so that funny mean friend finally turned on you…and you learned it from a pretty nice friend. But she's still hanging out with the mean girl, so can you trust her? The Ladies discuss, plus another Adventure in Waxing from Kristan, who is too cheap to go to a place and let the professionals do their thing.

Aug 5

20 min 24 sec

You're just not that into her, and she has no radar for this kind of thing. She's perfectly nice if a little intrusive (or a lot intrusive), and you don't want to hurt her feelings, but COME ON, LADY! GET THE HINT! The Ladies discuss this and receive a most touching letter about great friendship in a time of need.

Jul 28

25 min 44 sec

When your sister pees on your parade at every opportunity, then tells you you're too sensitive, is it possible to come to terms with her? ARE you too sensitive? The Ladies discuss! Plus, an Embarassing Personal Pregnancy Problem, our first of its kind!

Jul 10

34 min 34 sec

You've been part of a friend group for years…and now there's that problem person. Can you talk to her about it and avoid hurt feelings? Um…probably not, but you might have to talk anyway. Special guest this week: The Princess weighs in with her millennial wisdom and shares tips on not visiting Mexico in monsoon season.

Jul 3

25 min 50 sec

You have a piece of information from Friend A. But Friend B, who is much closer to Friend A, hasn't been let in on the news! Awkward, yes. What's your role here? Also, an epic Embarrassing Personal Problem from Joss, who can never go back to that place. Ever.

May 19

12 min 40 sec

Why doesn't she get the hint that the friendship is over? Maybe because you keep reaching out! Who's to blame in this extremely crappy friend dynamic? Plus, an Embarrassing Personal Problem for the ages.

May 8

40 min 25 sec

Two letters this week, listeners! One: her oldest friend keeps "rescheduling." Is this a red flag or an easy conversation? Two: Does Daisy really disapprove of Cat Hair Lady's wardrobe and style, or is Cat Hair Lady the one who's judging herself? Plus, Kristan tries to break into another car.

Apr 15

31 min 18 sec

Is it possible to tell someone you've outgrown them and still have SOME kind of relationship? How hard to you try to maintain even a thread with someone you've grown away from? The Ladies discuss, plus a fabulous EPP, complete with hand gestures.

Apr 1

19 min 45 sec

The Ladies rapid-fire version! Three questions, lots of answers, plus Joss's adventures with her hoof-like feet! Brought to you by Kensington Books,

Mar 24

23 min 51 sec

When one friend burns you, it's hard to believe there are good people out there. Why DO you pick crappy friends? Is this a pattern? Oh, boy, do the Ladies have a discussion on this topic! Brought to you by Kensington Books,

Mar 4

21 min 44 sec

Lordy, yes, child. So much has happened in your life, and throughout it all, your bestie has stuck by you. But now her life seems to be moving forward, and you're feeling a little stuck. Should she be more sympathetic and attuned to your life, or is your perspective a bit skewed? The Ladies bring in podcast guest stars Dr. Khaleesi and Mara of the Marble Islands and Countertops to discuss. Plus, a "caught on Zoom" embarrassing personal problem! 

Feb 26

32 min 7 sec

Girlfriend crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed…so what do you do when you find yourself lying in bed, fuming? You were there for her in her time of need, big time, and when you need support, she vanishes. Plus, Kristan bungles a word, which Joss will never let her forget.

Feb 19

24 min

Of course, we want to be there for our friends, and we return those texts quickly…but where do you draw the line? And how can you tell if the friendship is slipping into a bad place? Can it be salvaged? Plus, Kristan's latest debacle with body hair!

Feb 4

32 min 32 sec

It was a long and fairly horrible "friendship"...but even so, you can't stop thinking about it. Sure, you're better off now, but what if she wants to pick it up again? Do you have any obligations? Why is she taking up so much mental space, and what can you do? The Ladies have suggestions!

Jan 28

32 min 46 sec

It happened…despite your best intentions, YOU were the mean girl. You drifted down that road, got caught, apologized…but how the heck did you end up being the bitchy one? What were the signs it was a bad path, and how can you forgive yourself for descending to (cough) her level?

Jan 21

30 min 50 sec

What DOES one do when one's sister has your parents by the short hairs? When being the good daughter gets you squat, and you get all the blame for not being the bigger person? The Ladies offer advice on how to free up brain space and stop obsessing, and discuss reptilian winter skin as well!

Jan 15

24 min 7 sec

Happy New Year! This week's letter discusses how one person only discovered compassion for her friend's situation after going through some dark times of her own. Plus, a beautiful letter about the power of female friendship that will touch your heart!

Jan 9

17 min 50 sec

How do you handle the slow ghosting from an old and dear friend? Is there way to check in without being obnoxious when you're legitimately concerned about her mental and physical health? Plus, the Ladies discuss how to be merry and bright with your pals in a year when getting together just isn't safe. 

Dec 2020

34 min 24 sec

How to encourage a friend new to the country to engage and take advantage of a gap year PLUS dealing with a bit of jealousy when a friend gets all the sympathy PLUS Kristan's most pathetic Thanksgiving story ever.

Dec 2020

37 min 12 sec

You're a good friend, always ready to do a favor or be kind…but you get the feeling you're more of a servant than a trusted and cherished pal. Have you chosen the wrong person, or would an honest conversation solve the problem? The Ladies discuss…and get choked up over a beautiful testament to friendship from one of our listeners.

Nov 2020

18 min 35 sec

A young woman has trouble not overwhelming people with her desire to make them like her and wonders how to be a good friend to herself and combat her insecurities. Kristan messes up the intro for the first time ever, and Joss cackles. Plus, a lovely letter about Crappy Friends the Book!

Nov 2020

20 min 43 sec

Why you need to read Crappy Friends, the Book, and why you should give it to every girl and woman you know! 

Oct 2020

16 min 14 sec

You have some physical and neurological issues that might make it harder to find your peeps, especially in the time of COVID, and need more than one person to be there for you. The Ladies offer suggestions that apply to us all, really, as well as resources that might be helpful. Plus, another installment of the Happy Friends section of our show!

Oct 2020

22 min 26 sec

One of the more difficult issues the Ladies have addressed: how do you help a friend with an addiction? Is there a role for you? Why did you pick her as a friend, and what do you do now? Plus, a listener offers a different perspective on one of our earlier episodes. 

Oct 2020

32 min 55 sec

You're getting married and all is butterflies and sunshine…except your maid of honor seems less than thrilled. Plus, your fiance doesn't seem crazy about her, and she's been your bestie for ages. Plus, Kristan overshares about the hideous results of an injury whilst pretending she's crafty.

Sep 2020

25 min 42 sec

It's wonderful to have a work friend…but once you start becoming close, things can blur. What if the friendship changes, but you still have to work with her? The Ladies discuss that, and Kristan's potential tattoo, no matter what her kids say.

Sep 2020

23 min 40 sec

You love this friend, but she's been flailing at the same problems for years and years, and it's wearing your soul thin. Is there any way to help her? To be friends knowing her life probably won't change, no matter how much she claims to want that? Joss is on FIRE with great advice as Kristan nods in agreement.

Aug 2020

34 min

How do you confide in friends about the most personal problems? From fertility to deflowering, the Ladies discuss how to take a step closer to friends in times of need, and recognizing when friends are just there to watch a train wreck.

Aug 2020

27 min 25 sec

This week, the Ladies take on two letters where the answers are clear: how to support a great friend in a crappy situation; and when it's A-okay to drop a friend who's crossed a line. And such a line it is!

Aug 2020

28 min 14 sec

When is a friendship actually damaging? Is it possible that YOU are the toxic friend? Are some friends worth putting up with, even if you don't really enjoy them most of the time? Plus, an epic #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem read by Joss with glee.

Jul 2020

42 min 30 sec

You meet a friend in a group. You get along great…until another group member starts laying claim to who gets to be friends with whom. We've all experienced it! The Ladies offer advice on navigating group dynamics and bring in fan favorite Yara of the Marble Islands and Countertops for color commentary and sage advice. Plus, the lengths Kristan will go to woo her orthopedist in Embarrassing Personal Problems. 

Jul 2020

29 min 24 sec

Oh, not in THAT sense, you pervs! No, no...this is a case of a friend who lives in hygienic standards that are far below your normal, and what many would consider squalor or hoarding. Do you say something? Offer to help? Why would someone choose to live like this? The Ladies seek help from their friend and cleaning expert, Yara of the Marble Islands and Countertops.

Jul 2020

31 min 28 sec

What's a woman to do when the friendship pool is shallow at best? When all the alliances have already formed, and, truth be told, there just doesn't seem to be anyone you want to be friends with in the first place? The Ladies discuss how to find that needle in a haystack, look for signs of potential connection and how to create opportunities to find like-minded people. Plus, an epic Embarrassing Personal Problem that leads to a history lesson on the maxi-pad.

Jun 2020

21 min 49 sec

We always talk about establishing good boundaries, but what does that really mean? What are the words that you use? In another Chardonnay edition, the Ladies talk about missteps that can be made when boundaries aren't made clear. Plus, oversharing on periods, as one does. 

Jun 2020

43 min 8 sec

It was great…until it wasn't. You all met with a shared interest, life event or profession, but after a while, things changed. How do you leave a group whose members have supported and cheered for you? How can you keep some of those friends while stepping away from others? Joss and Kristan discuss the pros and cons of being direct and, conversely, taking the easy way out. Plus, an embarrassing personal problem that will make Joss's neighbors watch out for Kristan's car.

May 2020

29 min 49 sec

Life in a small town means everyone knows your business, and everyone has an opinion. What happens when your friend's decisions have a ripple effect on you, your family or other friends? When does expressing concern become gossip? Plus, Kristan and Joss praise each other for getting dressed and other small victories from the pandemic.

May 2020

27 min 41 sec

You like this friend quite a lot! That is, until a few mistruths start showing up in her narrative. Is she trying to keep up with you? Is this a red flag? Should you care as much as you do? The Ladies discuss, and Joss confesses to the depths she'll sink (or perhaps rise) to living in a house full of boxes post-move. Also, why does car driven by Kristan's mom's  have fur in the grille? 

May 2020

24 min 25 sec

The Ladies depart from their usual jocularity to discuss the complexities of friendship with someone in an abusive relationship. Using resources from the National Domestic Abuse website (, they discuss how to keep an open door to a friend in a terrible situation, and how to take care of yourself as you do. If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship, there is help! Call 800 799 7233 (800 799 SAFE), or call 911 if your safety is in imminent danger.

May 2020

24 min 37 sec

It's bad enough being in lockdown these days, and then you find your friends are socially distancing without you! The Ladies discuss group dynamics, especially high school friend groups. Plus, a horribly relatable Embarrassing Personal Problem. (Apologies for the slight echo…we're podcasting remotely and working on the glitches!)

Apr 2020

29 min 44 sec