Hey, Man - The Advice Podcast for Men

Avi Klein & Sam Graham-Felsen

The weekly advice podcast for men with therapist Avi Klein and novelist Sam Graham-Felsen. Each week, we answer your questions with the help of a rotating cast of guests.

New episodes of Hey, Man starting up in February 2020
TrailerE 1 min 39 sec

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We're joined this week by professional dominatrix Dia Dynasty. We discuss sex, kink and the power that comes from knowing your sexual self. In the second half, Dia helps us with an advice question from a man whose relatoinship struggles are leading him to wonder if he's not cut out for monogamy.Dia's WebsiteFollow Dia on:InstagramTwitterHey Man, I’m looking for some help in figuring out my priorities in romantic relationships. I’m 36 years old and am about 8 months into what feels like a serious relationship. My longest relationship lasted a year and a half when I was 30. Mostly, I see people in a more casual way and things fizzle out on their own after a few weeks or maybe a couple of months. I’m almost always the one to end things and even when I’m not, I don’t mind that things have ended. But things feel different in this relationship. Part of it is just that I know I’m tired of what I’ve been doing and I see my friends partnering up and settling down. I know this is the time to do that. If anything, I’m behind everyone. But this person checks a lot of boxes for me on paper. The problem is, despite there being so much that I like about the relationship, I think about breaking up with her once a week or every two weeks. It’s not all the time, but it is every time she does something that bothers me. I’m neater than she is, so when things are messy, I tend to just think about how life would be easier without this person. Or, any time there’s tension around making plans or our sex life (we don’t have it as often as I’d like), my mind just goes to “this would be so much easier if I was on my own.” If I’m being honest, I’ve had the same thought many times before, which is why I’ve been happy to let relationships just fizzle out. Is this a sign we should end things? Am I not made for long term monogamy?Signed, Fearful on Fifth Ave★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Mar 2020

52 min 32 sec

We're joined this week by Men's Health editor-in-chief Rich Dorment. Rich brought his son with him to work and he fell asleep while we were recording the episode! We talk about his decision to include mental health as an area of focus at the magazine, his article on Men and friendship and cultivating work/life balance. Later, Rich helps us with an advice question from a listener who needs help with getting politics out of his relationships with his friends. Men's HealthMen Don't Need More Friends. They Might Just Need Therapy. How To Stay Sane in an Election YearRich on InstagramHey Man, I’m on a group text with a bunch of old college friends and lately things have been getting pretty heated. We’re all politically to the left, but there’s been intense disagreement about the Democratic primaries. Lately, there’s a subset of the group that’s been intensely vocal about their love for one candidate and have been talking a lot of shit about the other candidates. One friend seems to have gone completely off the rails and just posts memes all the time. Privately, some friends who are undecided or support someone else have been sharing how much they hate it and I’ve noticed way less activity from them on the chat. I don’t want this to splinter my friend group, but feel like either way I’m going to be forced to take a side. How do I keep the peace?Signed, Pacifist in Prospect Heights★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Feb 2020

50 min 58 sec

We're joined this week by 20 year veteran of the FDNY and organizer of the NYC Prepper's Network, Jason Charles. Jason shares what he's learned from his experience in the FDNY and his longstanding interest in disaster prepping. In the second half, Jason lends a hand in giving advice to a man who can't let go of a workplace betrayal. New York City Preppers Network MeetupThe Angry Prepper YoutubeThe Angry Prepper PodcastHey Man, I’m 40 years old and am having an issue with a coworker. I work as a project manager at a tech company and have been with them practically since the beginning. A few years ago, we hired someone as a part time receptionist and I really liked him. He was a solid kid and seemed like he had potential despite never graduating from college. I took him under my wing and he steadily took on more responsibilities and better job titles. In the last couple of years, our company has done really well and we’ve moved past the stage where we would be considered a startup. We had a leadership transition and my friend has actually been promoted above me and joined a more senior leadership team. I admit, I have some jealousy about this, but even worse - I was up for a promotion recently and didn’t get it! I feel like I’ve helped this kid out for so long, the least he could do is look out for me too. My girlfriend thinks I should just let it go. Am I in the wrong here?Signed, Resentful in Ridgewood★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Feb 2020

45 min 39 sec

Sam is out this week but Avi is joined by acupuncturist Noah Rubinstein . Noah is clinic director at the Yinova Center in New York City, where he specializes in male reproductive and sexual issues. We discuss his background as a paramedic and the importance and challenges of cultivating balance. Our advice question this week is from a man who is struggling with feeling like the black sheep wherever he goes.We discuss his background as a paramedic and the importance and challenges of cultivating balance. Our advice question this week is from a man who is struggling with feeling like the black sheep wherever he goes. Yinova CenterHey Man, I need help with a problem that has plagued me for most of my life and gets in the way of enjoying it.I grew up in a family that’s always placed a strong emphasis on money and achievement. And while my siblings and I are all managed to realize this in different ways, I’ve always been a bit of an outsider.  I’ve had lots of ups and downs along the way and it took me longer to find my footing in life. I’ve also just been different in the interests I’ve had, caring more about exploring the world and caring deeply about art. As a result, I often feel like the odd man out and there’s something wrong with me. I feel embarrassed about my hobbies and interests and I diminish what I do that would be considered good. I just assume that people don’t get me or understand me, which on some level I know is ridiculous. I’m over 40 and this gets in the way of most relationships that I have. How do I let this go to enjoy the rest of my life?Signed, Black Sheep of Boerum Hill★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Feb 2020

58 min 11 sec

We're back! Our guest this week is Zach Iscol. Zach is a combat veteran ,a grand marshall of the 2019 Veteran's Day parade and the founder of several companies, including Hirepurpose, Task & Purpose and Headstrong - a nonprofit dedicated to providing veterans with treatment for PTSD. Zach joins us to help give advice to a man who is struggling to take responsibility after screwing up at work. HeadstrongTask & PurposeHirepurposeHey Man, I’m 24 years old and a little over a year ago, I got an office job after working at restaurants after college. The culture is very bro-ey (which is fine, I can fit in) and there’s a lot of good-natured teasing. But last month something happened and it’s making me want to leave this job. A few weeks ago, I completely slept through my alarm clock. I woke up to tons of texts from my office and panicked - I lied and said my mom had an emergency and I was helping her with it. I ended up calling out that day, came in the next day and seemingly everything was fine. Then, at our office Christmas party, management was handing out awards for the year. I expected to get one because I worked my ass off and was really disappointed when I was passed over. Then they gave out joke awards and I got “Most Likely to Skip Work.” People were laughing and someone even said, “How’s your mom?” as if they knew I was lying. I was completely mortified. I had even brought my girlfriend and she could tell I was pissed. I don’t know what to do. I feel so betrayed by these guys and embarrassed, I just want to look for a new job. This is not the first time they’ve done something that I felt crossed a line, but it feels like the last straw. What do you think? Should I stay or should I go?Signed, Humiliated on Houston★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Feb 2020

53 min 44 sec

Sam and Avi return next week after taking a few weeks off to rest, relax and record more episodes. We're excited to announce that new episodes of Hey, Man resume on Wednesdays starting in February. If you have a question that you need help with, get in touch! We'd love to feature you on the show. You can send us an email at heymanpod@gmail.com. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jan 2020

1 min 39 sec

We're joined this week by Hussein Kesvani, staff writer at MEL magazine and author of the book Follow Me Akhi: The Online World of British Muslims. In a special holiday themed episode, Hussein helps us give advice to a man whose deep loathing of Christmas is a source of tension in his relationship. Hussein at MELOn TwitterFollow Me AkhiHey Man, I’m 40 years old and married to a wonderful woman. We’re compatible in many ways, but completely disagree about Christmas. I’m an atheist and she, while not being religious, loves Christmas. She came from a big Christian family and wants to carry on all of those traditions. Christmas music is playing after Thanksgiving, there are decorations, a tree, cookies, ugly sweaters, tons of cheap presents, holiday parties, traditions with old friends, the whole thing. I hate it. I hate the materialism and consumerism of it, I look at our country and see how it’s run by Christians and resent the influence they have over all of us. I want out! I also see how much it hurts my wife that I’m such a bad sport but I viscerally feel this. I wish we could be married for 11 months out of the year and I could just hibernate in December. What do I do?Signed, Grinch in Greenwich Village★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Dec 2019

45 min 13 sec

Cleo Stiller is the author of the recently published "Modern Manhood: Conversations about the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today." We talk about #MeToo and the private questions men have been asking, and sharing with her, since then. Later, Cleo helps us answer a question from a man whose drinking is leading him to say regrettable things to his girlfriend. Cleo's BookCleo's WebsiteCleo's Instagram Cleo's TwitterHey Man, I’m writing to you for some practical advice about an issue that’s come up between me and my girlfriend.  I’m 28 years old, work in marketing in New York City and have been dating the same woman for the last 2 years. Overall, our relationship has been great and we’re planning on moving in together in the Spring when her lease expires. Over the course of our relationship, there have been a few isolated moments where the same issue has come up: I get really drunk (like blackout or pretty close) and I found out in the morning that I have said some really mean things to her. I don’t remember saying any of these things and they’re not things that I really believe. For example, I might say things like “You’re such a fucking pushover, you let everyone walk all over you.” Or “I know you’re only with me because I make more money.” It’s horrible and hurtful and not true. I think it’s important to add: as a kid, I always had a reputation for being angry and out of control. I’ve worked really hard to temper that as I got older, so it’s really bothering me to hear myself described this way. I don’t think I have a drinking problem because this really just happens maybe once every three months, max. Usually after something like this happens, I cut back for a while, slowly start drinking again and then eventually drink too much. My entire social life revolves around drinking and so, on a weekend, it’s not uncommon for all of us (my girlfriend included) to be hanging out drinking for the better part of an afternoon or until late at night. I play in a lot of recreational sports leagues and usually we all get together to drink after a game. I have a high tolerance and it’s hard for me to notice when I’m getting drunk. All of a sudden, it’s too late. My girlfriend is telling me that if this doesn’t stop, she’ll break up with me, which would devastate me. But I’m also worried that if I stop drinking or drink less it’ll be weird in my social circle since so much of our hanging out has to do with drinking, playing drinking games, etc. What should I do?Signed, Blacked out in Bushwick★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Dec 2019

55 min 29 sec

Our guest this week is Andrew Leland. Andrew is currently writing a book about blindness for Penguin Press. He’s a contributing editor of the Believer magazine and hosts the Organist podcast. We talk to him about the experience of slowly going blind over his adulthood - ways in which there is loss, but also ways in which it's simply changed things. He also takes about the changes in how people engage with him as his blindness worsens. Later, he helps us with an advice question from a college student in a complicated friendship. The OrganistAndrew's episode on 99 Percent InvisibleAndrew on TwitterAndrew's WebsiteHey man - I'm a 19 year old college student, and recently I've been really enjoying the relationship that I have with one of my female friends. We have been very mutually supporting of our respective dating lives recently, and supporting in other aspects of our lives as well. It feels like a very healthy dynamic that we have. However, I'm worried that she may have more than feelings of friendship for me at this point. She recently sent me a song which, in context, seemed like a confession. I'm really enjoying our friendship, and would very much prefer it to simply stay as such.I have no idea how to deal with this situation! I can pretend I didn't listen to the song, and I could just play dumb and deflect, but neither of those seem like wise options. I also dont want to say something about her having feelings for me, and have that go south in the many ways it could.Please help, I'm hopeless here!Signed, Just Friends on Monteith Ave★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Dec 2019

1 hr 13 min

We're joined this week by writer and Army veteran Adam Linehan. We discuss his experience serving in Iraq and Afghanistan and his struggle with survivor's guilt and PTSD after coming home. Later, Adam helps us give advice to a man who is worried about his bad habits when his girlfriend is out of town. Adam's websiteAdam's piece in the NY TimesHey Man, I’ve started to notice a habit that I’ve slipped into that is worrying me. My girlfriend and I live together and she travels semi-regularly for her job. When she’s away, I tend to do the same thing every time: I smoke some weed, play video games and order way too much food on Seamless. I might do this for a day or two and then I feel totally gross and disgusting. The food in particular stresses me out. I feel remorseful and regret it and think about it during the week. I feel like I have to make up for it the rest of that week or month by eating really healthy, but then that almost fuels the desire to get stoned and get takeout again. As if I’ve somehow earned it by being good. I know a lot of guy friends who do something similar when their girlfriend’s go out of town, but I feel really guilty about this. She doesn’t know or has never mentioned it to me and I wouldn’t want her to know. What should I do?Signed, Munchies in Midtown★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Dec 2019

1 hr 12 min

We're joined this week by Matt Gutmann, professor of anthropology at Brown University and author of the recently published book, "Are Men Animals? How Modern Masculinity Sells Men Short." This book takes a look at the broad range of masculinities across cultures and questions whether biology can really be to blame for male misbehavior (spoiler: it can't). We talk about his book, his background and how he became interested in the field of men and masculinities. Later, Matt helps us answer an advice question from a college student who winds up on a bad date after a disagreement about money. Matt's websiteMatt's bookHey Man, I’m 19 years old and have just started dating a girl that I go to college with. We’ve been dating and hanging for the last 6 weeks. On our first date, I asked if she was cool with splitting everything and she seemed fine with it.  On this last date, though,  I accidentally forgot my wallet in my dorm room. It wasn’t until it was time to pay for our food that I realized I didn’t have my wallet with me. I told her I would pay her back later when I got it and I was surprised that she was really annoyed by this. She said something like, “If anything, you should be offering to pay for me, not the other way around.” I kept trying to explain that it wasn’t intentional, I felt embarrassed and I wasn’t asking her to pay for me. It didn’t do anything to get her out of her bad mood and the date was pretty much ruined. We were supposed to go to the movies afterwards and she basically said she wasn’t going to buy my ticket. Instead, we went back to my dorm room and I paid her back on the spot. It’s only been a couple of days since, but things have obviously chilled between us. What should I do?Signed, Cash-poor in Columbia★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Nov 2019

55 min 44 sec

We're joined this week by lion tracker and coach, Boyd Varty. Boyd recently published a book called, "The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life." We talk about the art of tracking, his recovery from PTSD after several traumatic events (including getting attacked by a crocodile), his shift to doing coaching and his experience of meeting and living with Nelson Mandela as a boy. Our question this week comes from an actor whose work has dried up. Boyd's BookBoyd's TED TalkBoyd's WebsiteInstagramThe question this week:Hey Man - I’m 47 years old and have worked my entire adult life as an actor. I know I’m lucky to have made a career out of it, but I’m struggling. Like most working actors, I’ve had good years and lean years, but the last couple of years have been particularly lean. In the past, even if I only booked one “big” job a year, I still got steady work with commercials, etc. But in the last few years, everything has dried up. I work maybe once a month. I’ve supplemented it with some other gigs, but otherwise have a lot of time on my hands.This all also coincides with some big life changes: my wife and I had two kids and moved to the suburbs. Luckily, her career has taken off, otherwise we’d be really stressed. Basically, to be useful, I spend a lot of my free time taking care of our home and kids. I’m left feeling like a house husband. I love our kids, but this is not how I envisioned my life. But I’m dependent on other people to do the work I love. I think other people might say it’s time to find another career, but I’m not ready to let acting go. Still, I can’t just stay at home and be depressed waiting for more work to come my way. What should I do?Signed, Wasting Away in Westchester★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Nov 2019

1 hr

Our guest this week is Vox journalist Liz Plank. Liz recently published her first book, "For The Love of Men: A Vision for Mindful Masculinity". We talk extensively about how men are cheated by patriarchal attitudes about masculinity and Liz has done the research. Finally, Liz helps us with an advice question from someone who thinks he doesn't have any game when it comes to dating. Liz Links:Her websiteHer bookTwitterInstagramTikTokOur question this week:Hey Man, I’m 28 and ended a 2 year relationship roughly 9 months ago. Before that relationship, I had a few girlfriends, but didn’t date that much. Now, I’ve been trying hard to date around but I’m extremely self-conscious about my inability to talk to women. I don’t know how to flirt or pick women up. Many times, if I’m using an app, the conversations just fizzle out. If it’s in person, I can be shy and take a while to warm up, which I’m sure is a turn off. There’s no sexual tension or chemistry and, outside of one night of post break-up sex with my ex, I haven’t had sex with anyone in the 9 months. Most of the time I’m just convinced that the dates are awkward and I never bother to follow up. They almost never follow up with me, so I imagine the feeling is mutual. Looking back, I realize that the majority of relationships I’ve been in are because the women pursued it, not me. But that seems so weak and pathetic. How do I go about actually dating women that I want to date?Signed, Game-less in Greenpoint★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Nov 2019

51 min 48 sec

This week, we're joined by Adam Frankel. Adam is a former speechwriter for President Obama and the author of the memoir, "The Survivors: A Story of War, Inheritance, and Healing." The book looks at intergenerational trauma, family secrecy and Adam's process of healing. Adam also lends his support in giving advice to a father struggling with a classic in-laws dilemma.You can find Adam on Twitterand his book is now available wherever you get books.This week's question:Hey Man, My wife and I have two kids: a five year old boy and a 2 year old girl. My parents are pretty laissez faire and hands off as grandparents, but my wife’s parents are more intrusive. They often have opinions about our parenting, our children’s behavior and they’re quite vocal about it. They always compare what we’re doing to how they raised their own children, often with the implication being that they did it better. Sometimes they seem hurt if we reject their opinion/advice in favor of going our own way. Other times they’ll just vocally second guess us, “Are you really sure you want to do that?” We mostly just grit our teeth and bear it. My wife is more used to this from them and I don’t really want conflict with my in-laws. If I ignore them, it usually doesn’t escalate, but I’m seething on the inside. How should I be handling this?Signed, Ditmas Park Dad★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Nov 2019

53 min 30 sec

 Our guest this week is David Coggins. David is the editor of the new website, The Contender, and the author of the NY Times bestseller “Men and Style” and “Men and Manners.” His work on travel, style and design has appeared in numerous publications. He is currently working on a new book about fly fishing. He lives in New York. David makes a compelling case for why dressing well is about the people around you instead of about yourself and we spend a long time going into what it means to care about things, be obsessive and take things seriously. Our advice seeker this week needs some help with pleasure and how to truly enjoy one's self.The ContenderMen and StyleMen and MannersDavid and his chairDavid's beautiful apartmentDavid's parents' beautiful homeDavid's TwitterDavid's InstagramDavid's Dad's InstagramThe question this week:Hey Man, I want your advice on enjoying yourself. I’m 40 and it’s come to my attention recently that I don’t really enjoy myself that much. Which is not to say that I don’t do things that feel good - my wife and I don’t have kids and are able to afford to go out to eat at good restaurants. If we don’t go out for meal, we’ll stay home and watch watch tv and have drink. We have a decent sex life.. Life’s not bad and all of those things are good, I just don’t really get a ton of enjoyment out of them. What I mean is: I don’t FEEL like I’m enjoying them. I also choose to spend plenty of leisure time doing stuff that I wouldn’t necessarily say I enjoy, like playing video games. But I do it anyway. And honestly, it wouldn’t have even occurred to me that this was a problem if I hadn’t been hearing from my wife that she can tell that I’m not enjoying myself, that it dampens her own enjoyment because she can tell I’m not into it and that as a consequence she feels less connected to me. She wants to hear from me that I’m having a good time with her and she wants it to be real, not bullshit. What do I do?Signed, Numb in Nolita ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Oct 2019

1 hr 5 min

Our guest this week is Josh Schollmeyer, co-found and editor-in-chief of MEL magazine, which the New York Times has called “the rare men’s magazine that has taken upon itself to investigate masculinity, not enforce it. It gets double points for managing to pull off that project with style and charm, not self-seriousness.” MEL MagazineTwitterInstagramAvi's favorite Dollar Shave Club AdOur advice question this week:Hey Man, I need some perspective on something. I’m 40 years old, have two kids, am married to a great woman and run my own business. My problem is that I can’t seem to stand up for myself or say no to just about anyone. Definitely not my wife, not my parents and, I’m embarrassed to admit this, not even my kids. I’m fortunate enough to be pretty successful in my line of work and have people regularly reaching out for advice, help or for money to invest in their projects. It’s almost impossible for me to turn people away and when I do, I usually feel really guilty. If I need to hire someone to do work on my apartment, I can never negotiate and if someone short changes me, I just let it happen.Some of the guys I work with are complete assholes and suffer no consequences, but I just can’t do it. Is there something wrong with me? How do I stand up for myself? Is this something I can change after 40 years of being a pushover? Help!Beta on Broome Street★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Oct 2019

54 min 43 sec

We welcome Olympic Weightlifting coach and avid bird watcher Nick Novak, who shares some of what he enjoys about being a teacher and the satisfaction of watching people grow as athlete. We also talk about his growing up and his honing of his social skills as an army brat. This week, in lieu of a listener question, Sam asks for advice with a problem he's been struggling with on the show (and off). What could it be? 🤔Hint: (🗣🗣🗣)Nick's bio:Coach Novak has been practicing movement his entire life. Born in Okinawa Japan and raised by a US Olympic Team wrestler, Nick has spent various periods in his life dedicated to different athletic pursuits. Drawing from his experience with rowing crew, obstacle course racing, Burmese kick boxing, bodybuilding and olympic weightlifting Nick has developed a holistic approach to movement that serves individuals of all levels. Nick has always been drawn to the meditative focus brought on by intense physical activity and places a premium on quality of movement over quantity of movement. Nick holds a bachelors degree in Philosophy and infuses his classes with metaphors and comparisons that bridge the gap between our training in the gym and and our lives at work and at home. He has studied breath and meditation with Buddhists and psychologists and focuses on Vipassana techniques. Nick is a strong believer in the transformative and therapeutic power of movement and seeks to empower everyone he interacts with. A born teacher, Nick has been training competitive and recreational athletes since 2012 and enjoys working with anyone who is hungry to learn! In his free time he enjoys motorcycling, bird watching and playing with his dog, BrunoNick's links:His WebsiteAt Crossfit SolacePart of his video series with Terron Beckham★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Oct 2019

1 hr 9 min

This week we're joined by the New Yorker's Andrew Marantz. Andrew has a book out this fall: "Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians And the Highjacking of the American Conversation." We discuss how he spent the last couple of years interviewing and hanging out with alt-light and alt-right media figures (he educates us on the difference between the two terms), their distorted ideas about manhood, and how he kept his sanity being surrounded by people who hate what he represents. Then we answer an advice question from someone who is being bullied by a roommate. Oh, but first we get deep into our love of salad.Hey Man, I find myself in a confusing and uncomfortable situation and I don’t know what to do. I recently moved to New York from Maine (where I grew up and went to college) and I’ve been living with the same group of guys for about 9 months. I like them all and I feel a bit of pressure to fit in. I’m not a typical bro, but I know how to act that way and I want everyone to like me. Since I’ve lived there, I’ve become really good friends with one guy. We hang out 1 on 1 and have had some real, honest conversations that feel deeper than the usual bro-ey banter that we all engage in as roommates. Lately, though, something’s shifted and Greg has been teasing me in front of our other roommates in ways that feel like more than just ballbusting. I’m 5’7, skinny and am almost always the smallest guy in the group. It’s something I’ve always felt self-conscious about. Greg’s been teasing me about my size in ways that feel humiliating, especially since it’s in front of our roommates and sometimes their girlfriends. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. In high school, some good friends also bullied me, in much worse ways but again by humiliating me in front of other people. I’m not sure what to do. Am I just being extra sensitive to this situation because of what happened before? Is there legitimately something wrong with me since I’m being targeted again? How should I handle this and what should I do?Signed, Wimpy in WilliamsburgAndrew @ The New YorkerAndrew's BookThe NY Times review of Andrew's Book"Free Speech is Killing Us"★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Oct 2019

1 hr 20 min

Ali Sethi is a Lahore-born writer and musician. A graduate of Harvard College, he is the author of the acclaimed debut novel ‘The Wish Maker’ and a contributor to The New York Times op-ed page. Ali is also a classically trained vocalist. We discuss differences between intellectual activity and performance, differences in masculinity across cultures and how he draws inspiration from the Sufi tradition to encourage multiple perspectives and interpretations. His instagram and youtubeOur advice question this week:Hey Man:So my problem concerns my friends from college. We were housed together freshman year and none of us had a lot in common. But I actually loved the fact that we all had different personality types and interests and values. I grew close to them and still keep in close touch with most of them.  But over a decade since we’ve graduated, these differences — especially the differences in values —have come to grate on me. For one, while I pursued a career in non profit social justice work, most of them went into corporate and tech careers. I make way less money than they do, and when we meet up for dinner, they always choose expensive places that I can’t really afford. They see themselves as carefree and fun-loving and never seem to be aware that these dinners put a serious strain on me financially. I protest sometimes, but I am tired of being the grumpy downer complaining about money. What’s even more frustrating is the fact they see themselves as caring people but seem unwilling to do anything to back that up - including supporting me emotionally, logistically or financially in the non-profit startup I founded. It would be sad to lose those friendships. I’ve been friends with these guys for literally half of my life.  But their lack of support for me and my work has made me question why I’m still bothering to stay friends with them. In college, the fact that we shared so little in common was appealing — now it’s maddening. Should I ditch these guys and try to make friends with more like minded people? If I do that, won’t I just be stuck in a bubble? Sincerely,Grumpy in Gowanus★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Oct 2019

1 hr 20 min

This week we're joined by Brandon Levi. Brandon is a former Muay Thai fighter and owner of the famous Evolution Muay Thai in New York City. Brandon talks about why he learned to fight as a boy, why he tries not to get into fights and how sick he gets as a coach of other fighters. Later, we get an advice question from a man who is struggling with how to cope with his girlfriend's feelings of insecurity in the relationship. Links:Evolution Muay ThaiOn InstagramOn Youtube (including a famous video mentioned at the end of the show)This week's question:Hey Man, I keep having this difficult conversation with my significant other and I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for 3 years and ever since we started dating, she has been emphatic that she never wants kids. I don’t know what I want and I’ve been open about that. Under the right circumstances, I could see my mind changing. She reacts really badly to that potential uncertainty - the other day, she asked if I would “make” her have kids, which of course I flat out rejected by saying “I would never ever make you have children”. But still she has a lot of anxiety. We live in this grey area where it’s sort of like, I want to be with her more than I want children, but what if that ever switched? She’s anxious I’m going to change my mind and leave her. How can I give her reassurance about something that I don’t even know? It’s making it impossible to enjoy our relationship. The other night, we were watching Children of Men and I couldn't enjoy the movie because I was stuck wondering if she was trying to bring up the subject of babies again! How do we move past this??Signed, Frozen in Forest Hills★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Sep 2019

57 min 56 sec

This week we're joined by writer Ann Friedman, co-host of the podcast Call Your Girlfriend. It's full of advice! Ann gives us some advice on starting a podcast about friendship and also explains Shine Theory and how it can help you manage professional jealousy.  Finally we move on to the real advice - we get a question from a recently divorced man who has found he no longer has friends of his own and needs help making some new ones. You can find Ann on Twitter, on her website and on Call Your Girlfriend.Hey Man, I’m 40 and recently divorced. Obviously there’s a lot THERE to deal with, but one of the things that I’ve really been stunned to realize since I’ve moved out on my own is that I don’t have any friends! I didn’t realize that I’d come to rely so much on my wife as a source of friendship. We had social, casual friendships with other parents, but it’s only now - without my ex - that I realize I’ve been without real friendships for the better part of a decade. And now that I’m single again, I feel like a pariah. Couples don’t seem to really want to have me over as a single person (or maybe it just feels awkward for me) and I’m missing friends that are truly mine and know me well. I’m so busy with work and childcare as a solo parent, I don’t even know how to make new friends. Any advice?Signed, Lonely on the Lower East Side★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Sep 2019

38 min 29 sec

We're joined this week by Louis Boria aka Brooklyn Boy Knits. Louis became well known in 2017 when a photo taken of him knitting on his subway commute went viral. We talk about knitting and the importance of doing what something that makes you happy, even when your family doesn't understand. Our question this week is from a dad who wants to protect his son from embarrassing himself on the basketball court. Louis links:WebsiteFacebookInstagramTwitterTedx TalkHey Man, My son sucks at basketball. He loves basketball and works hard at it, but he’s always the worst player on his team, and when he has a bad game, as he often does, he’s devastated afterwards. He generally struggles with self esteem and I feel like this exacerbates things. I wish he’d quit basketball and do something that aligns more with his strengths and makes him feel better about himself. But he loves basketball and says he doesn’t want to play other sports. Kyrie is his hero. What should I do? Keep encouraging him even though it’s pretty clear he’s not ever really going to be good? Keep subtly pushing him towards something else? Please help. Signed,Sad Dad in Dyker Heights★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Sep 2019

51 min 3 sec

Jason Roggers is a former silver medalist with the USA Olympic Men's Fencing team. He's also the author of a recent candid essay in Men's Health magazine about his decades-long strong with performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction. This week, he shares with us about his struggle with erectile dysfunction and how other men can benefit from what he learned in his recovery process. We also get a question from a listener struggling with whether he should commit to his current partner or end the relationship. Jason's essay in Men's HealthJason's website Jason's Instagram and TwitterHey Man, I know the premise of this question might sound overly pessimistic, but I feel like I wasted my life. I’m 40 and have a job that pays 6 figures that anyone would consider good and enviable. I’ve worked steadily towards my career, taking a break only to get an MBA and am now in a top position at my company. I feel proud about where I’ve gotten myself professionally. The problem is that I’m currently engaged to a woman who is my first long-term relationship and I’m having serious doubts. I have been very focused on my career and haven’t been able to sustain a serious relationship. When I met my fiance, things felt good but they tapered off about a year into the relationship (it’s now been 4 more years). I do love her as a person, but I just don’t know if I want to be with her. Part of the problem is that my job is so demanding, I easily get distracted and forget about how unhappy I am with the relationship. One of the reasons I think I don’t want to stay in this relationship is because I think I’ve grown and changed a lot since we first met. I got in better shape, I got more confident as a result of big moves in my career. I often think - “I could do better” if I was out on the market now. Part of the reason that sticks in my mind is because I was shy and insecure earlier in my adulthood, but I’ve figured a lot of that stuff out and feel like I’m not living up to my potential. I regret not dating more and not realizing some of the things I realize now. Couldn’t I be happier? Don’t I deserve to find that out?Signed, Tired of wasting time★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Sep 2019

56 min 59 sec

On this week's episode, we're joined by Jason Rosario - director of The Lives of Men, host of the web series "Dear Men" and the podcast "Hey Jason." We discuss how he copes with dealing with failure, making the unconventional choice and the challenges of negotiating masculinity as a Black/Latinx man. We also hear from a dad who is struggling with pushback to raising his son as a feminist. You can find Jason at:The Lives of MenDear MenInstagram & TwitterHey Man, I’m having an issue with my in-laws that I’m hoping you can help me with. My wife and I are both 35, have been married for 5 years and have a four year old son. My wife and I both proudly identify as feminists and want to raise our son in a way that is consistent with our values. Among other things, this means allowing him more flexibility in deciding who he wants to be - how he wants to dress, what he gets to play with. I know he’s young, but we support him in expressing a broad range of feelings and are trying to set a precedent now so that he knows it’s okay when he’s older. As a result, sometimes he chooses things that other boys may not choose. He might wear pink or purple, his hair is long because he likes it that way, he has trucks and balls but also likes to play with a baby. This is not weird for our group of friends and my parents are very chill and open-minded. My wife, however, is from Georgia and has always been the black sheep of her family. Her parents are uncomfortable about how we are raising our son and her dad, in particular, seems very put off by it. He often expresses this to me, more so than to his daughter although she is in ear shot - sometimes by saying things to me, like “you’re gonna have to toughen up that boy”, sometimes by asking him if he really wants to wear his hair like that or wear a particular shirt. It really grates on me and my wife. Do I just let it go or is this important enough to stand up for?Signed, First Avenue Feminist★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Aug 2019

1 hr 4 min

This week's guest is George Pitagorsky. George has been a teacher of insight meditation for over 25 years. We talk about misconceptions that people often have about meditation and how to envision meditation beyond just sitting on a mat counting your breath. George brings his patience and wisdom to a very hard advice question - we all agree one of the hardest we've encountered - from a man who is unwilling or unable to forgive himself for his past. Warning: the advice portion of this episode addresses verbal and emotional abuse and may be triggering for some listeners. George PitagorskyHey Man, I’ve never shared this with anyone except for my therapist for reasons that I think will be obvious: I’m 55 now. 20 years ago, I was a raging alcoholic. Not only did I drink a lot, I’m told I was mean and scary. I was also, incredibly, a functional alcoholic and managed to hold down a very well paying corporate job. Most of my anger and abuse was turned on my first wife. To be honest, I can’t remember most of what I said, but I’ve heard enough to know that it was the typical cruel, nasty things that an alcoholic might say. I accused her of cheating on me, I insulted her looks and intelligence.I broke things in front of her. I continued to do this after she became pregnant. I never laid a hand on her, but everything I did was abusive. 4 months into the pregnancy, she moved across the country and divorced me and has never spoken to me again. I have never spoken to my son and never reached out because of the shame I feel. Her family is very wealthy, so she never pressed me for child support, but I have been setting money aside each month.It was the catalyst for me changing my life. I became sober, I went to therapy, I made amends with many other people in my life. I have dated since, but never seriously. I never had any other children. There’s a nagging feeling inside me that I am still punishing myself. I feel like I’ve waited too long to reach out to my son and his mother. What if he’s a mess because he never had a father? What if he’s a mess because I traumatized his mother while she was pregnant? What if he hates me? I don’t want to face that but also don’t know what to do. Signed, Alone in Astoria★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Aug 2019

58 min 18 sec

Our guest this week is Jules Febre, one of the senior teachers at Jivamukti Yoga in New York City. We talked with him about his complicated path towards practicing yoga and explore gender differences and class differences in practicing yoga. Jules has a really interesting, helpful way of complicating conventional wisdom and suggesting a path that wouldn't have even occurred. Finally, we get to an advice question from a young man struggling with anger in the face of major life changes. Jules FebreJivamukti YogaHey Man, I’m 25 years old and, after a choppy start to adulthood, have finally found my footing, but the ride was rough: Halfway through college, my parents divorced. Part of the cause of the divorce was my dad’s complete mismanagement of his finances and the major arguing that ensued between my parents. It also turned out that he couldn’t afford to pay my tuition at a private college. I ended up leaving and slowly worked my way up in a startup and, despite having minimal tech skills, now have a good paying job and live completely independently from my parents. My mom and my younger brother have not fared as well. Before my parents’ divorce, we were financially very well off. My mom worked, but more as a hobby than a career. Now she’s scraping by on much less than she’s used to, is isolating herself and seems very depressed. My brother, who is 2 years younger than me, has not handled the divorce very well or the change in our family’s fortunes. He’s still in college despite going for 5 years and is essentially a C+ student with a major in Comparative Literature at a lower tier liberal arts college. My dad has since righted his ship, is back to making more money and despite paying for 5 years of my brother’s college has never once offered to send me back to school or help in any way. I’m really angry. I’m angry at my dad for screwing up our family and for not helping me, I’m angry at my brother for being a selfish asshole and I’m angry at my mom for being a doormat and wasting the rest of her life. But I also feel loyal to everyone. I see them all the time, am often talking with my brother and offering him support. I just want everyone to be ok, but they’re not and I keep carrying the bag - listening to my mom and brother, eating shit while out to dinner with my dad and his new girlfriend. I don’t know what to do, but I know that my intense anger is super distracting. I feel sick a lot or I’m always tired and I’m starting to feel like my work is suffering. Help. Signed, Angry in Astoria★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Aug 2019

1 hr 20 min

In this episode we speak with David Epstein, author of the New York Times bestseller "Range" (and previously "The Sports Gene") - a book that speaks up for the benefits of being a generalist in an age of hyper specialization. We discuss David's personal trajectory that led to him writing the book, which is broad and fascinating. Related to that, we talk about managing the self doubt that comes when you're unable to stick to one lane in your career. Then we move on to an advice question from a father who is worried about his daughter, who seems to be floundering as she enters post-college life.Hey Man - I’m writing for some advice on what to do with my daughter. A little about us: I am 52, my daughter is 22. I divorced her mother when she was 3 and although her mother and I have an amicable relationship, I would not say we are co-parents. Further, I have been the primary caretaker of our daughter for her entire life. My ex is in her life, but is not a stable or reliable person. I worry about what the impact of our separation and our messy history has had on our daughter. For my part, I have not really dated anyone seriously and have mostly focused on my career and my daughter for the last 20 years. Which brings me to the present day. My daughter is 22 and graduated college last Spring. She’s always been bright, but an underachiever - she did well, but not as great as I think she was capable of. Since she graduated college, she has not done much with her life. She sat around the apartment for most of the summer and then actually got a job as one of those Amnesty International kids that accosts you on the street. She keeps talking out loud about wanting to apply to graduate school for esoteric sounding things like Geography, which she didn’t even study in college. I’m worried about her and don’t know what to do. I’ve mostly kept this to myself, but the more time that goes on, the more anxious I get and the more I start to worry about the different ways I’ve fucked her up. I love my daughter and want the best for her, but am unsure what to do. Do I push her to do more with her life or stay out of it and let her figure it out? What if she never does? Help!Signed - Sober in SoHo★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Aug 2019

1 hr 13 min

We have our first female advice giver on the show and she happens to be an expert in the history of advice! Jessica Weisberg is the author of the book, "Asking for a Friend: Three Centuries of Advice on Life, Love, Money, and Other Burning Questions from a Nation Obsessed." We get into her book and then throw a pretty tough advice question her way about how to handle a friend with some dark secrets. Jessica Weisberg has worked as a producer on Serial, a supervising producer at Vice News Tonight on HBO, and an editor at Gimlet. Her work has been nominated for an Emmy and won an Edward Murrow Award. Her writing has been published in The New Yorker, Harper’s, The Atavist, and many other publications, and was nominated for a National Magazine Award for Public Interest Journalism in 2017. Her first book, Asking for a Friend, a history of famous American advice-givers, came out in 2018 was excerpted by The New Yorker, The Paris Review, The New York Review of Books, and LitHub. Jessica's latest piece for the New Yorker, "The Lost Boys of Galveston Texas"Hey Man, The other day, I went to my friend’s office to meet up to go out for drinks at the end of the day. He ran off to the bathroom and while I was waiting, I noticed that he was logged into Reddit and was on a really misogynistic subreddit. I know my friend’s username on reddit since we share funny memes with each other and he was logged in under a different name that I didn’t recognize. Later that night, I looked up that username and was horrified by what I found. He comments on incredibly toxic subreddits and goes on to other communities to troll and harass users. I never would have guessed that this was my friend. I tried to talk to him about it but he denied knowing what I was talking about. Later that day, the account was deleted, although I still have screenshots. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think anyone else knows about this, not the rest of our friends and definitely not his girlfriend. Should I out my friend? Should I help him? How?Signed, Grossed Out in Greenpoint★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jul 2019

1 hr 13 min

This week we speak with Zach Miko, the first plus sized male model to sign with a major modeling agency. We discuss his start, growing a thicker skin to deal with trolls and body positivity. We also have two questions this week, both seeking help with jealousy. You can find Zach at a lot of different places:Instagram: @zachmikoTwitter: @zachmikoHis Podcast: Big Things with Zach MikoHis Advice Column, Big Questions, at Chubstr.comHey Man,My girlfriend is very jealous. She’s always accusing me of looking at women on the street, being attracted to waitresses, wanting to sleep with my female friends or spending too much time texting on her. She thinks I’m going to treat. I love her but this is driving me crazy! What do I do?--Hey Man, Lately, I’ve come to realize that I’m insanely jealous of one of my coworkers. He’s good looking, he comes from money and is always well dressed, relaxed and charming. Ever since he came on to our team, I feel like I’m being pushed out. I hate this guy! I don’t show it, but it’s taking a toll on me mentally. I know it’s not productive, but I don’t know what else to do. How do I move on or make peace?★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jul 2019

1 hr 27 min

Avi and Sam get deep on a classic relationship dilemma. A listener wants to know what to do with a girlfriend who is angry at him for choosing to spend time with his friends instead of with her. Sam shares lessons he's learned from his own experience and we really drill down into the subtext of this question. Hey Man - My girlfriend and I have been dating off and on for 3 years. We broke up briefly after about 6 months, but got back together a few months later and have been together ever since. We just moved in together. The problem is, I think my girlfriend is very possessive, or we have different ideas about how much time to spend together, and it often leads to conflict. I have hobbies that I like to do on my own and I also have a great group of friends (who I used to live with before I moved in with my girlfriend) and we often get together at least once a week to hang out, watch a game, drink beer. My girlfriend really hates it when I hang out with my friends. When I get home, she’s mad at me. She says I’m choosing them over her, that we don’t spend enough time together. On the one hand, I can see her side somewhat. I see these guys a lot - some of them are in a softball league with me, so we see each other for that and then we often hang out all day on a Saturday or Sunday if there are games on to watch. But I also see my girlfriend a lot. I thought moving in together would help things, but it hasn’t at all. I see her every other night! How can she possibly say we’re not spending enough time together? I should add, this is also why we broke up in the beginning of our relationship, so it has been a problem practically since the beginning. Honestly, it just seems like she’s jealous and I’m not sure what to do about that. Please help. Signed, Torn in Fort Greene★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jul 2019

1 hr 9 min

This week we're joined by the New Yorker's Andrew Marantz. Andrew has a book out this fall: "Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians And the Highjacking of the American Conversation." We discuss how he spent the last couple of years interviewing and hanging out with alt-light and alt-right media figures (he educates us on the difference between the two terms), their distorted ideas about manhood, and how he kept his sanity being surrounded by people who hate what he represents. Then we answer an advice question from someone who is being bullied by a roommate. Oh, and we also embrace our inner soy boys and get deep into our love of salad.Hey Man, I find myself in a confusing and uncomfortable situation and I don’t know what to do. I recently moved to New York from Maine (where I grew up and went to college) and I’ve been living with the same group of guys for about 9 months. I like them all and I feel a bit of pressure to fit in. I’m not a typical bro, but I know how to act that way and I want everyone to like me. Since I’ve lived there, I’ve become really good friends with one guy. We hang out 1 on 1 and have had some real, honest conversations that feel deeper than the usual bro-ey banter that we all engage in as roommates. Lately, though, something’s shifted and Greg has been teasing me in front of our other roommates in ways that feel like more than just ballbusting. I’m 5’7, skinny and am almost always the smallest guy in the group. It’s something I’ve always felt self-conscious about. Greg’s been teasing me about my size in ways that feel humiliating, especially since it’s in front of our roommates and sometimes their girlfriends. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. In high school, some good friends also bullied me, in much worse ways but again by humiliating me in front of other people. I’m not sure what to do. Am I just being extra sensitive to this situation because of what happened before? Is there legitimately something wrong with me since I’m being targeted again? How should I handle this and what should I do?Signed, Wimpy in WilliamsburgAndrew @ The New YorkerAndrew's Book★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jul 2019

1 hr 29 min

This week we talk with Slate's Aymann Ismail, host of the podcast "Man Up" and creator of the web series "Who's Afraid of Aymann Ismail." We talk about: Why he hasn't told his parents about his podcast, growing up in Newark, going to an Islamic school in Jersey City, having “brilliant geniuses, valedictorians, overachievers” as siblings, making cartoon in the early days of the internet and becoming interested in story telling, going to art school without telling his parents, being a shitty teenager to your parents,  the violence of playground games & how he handled getting attacked by a group of teens in Brooklyn. Our advice question this week is from a man whose family immigrated to the United States and are practicing Muslims. He is not and worries about how some of his life choices are going to affect his relationship with his family. Finally, Aymann passes on some advice that he got from the Kenyan photographer Boniface Mwangi.--Hey Man, I could use some advice on how to address an important issue with my parents. I’m 32, am finally finished with medical school and work in a hospital in a big city on the east coast. I live on my own and am dating around but not with anyone at the moment. My parents are immigrants from Northern Africa and are observant Muslims. They live on the West Coast, where I was born. I’m not religious and have mostly lived apart from my parents since going away from college. I was a quiet, studious, nerdy kid growing up and have changed a lot since I left home. The problem is that I feel a lot of pressure from my parents to 1. Get married, 2. Marry a Muslim woman, 3. Ideally marry a Muslim woman from the same country/community as my family. I don’t know if I want to marry anyone, let alone commit to monogamy. I’m interested in exploring my bisexuality. In short, there’s a big gap between who I am and what I envision for my life and what my parents want for me. I don’t know what to do. I think the tension is making me feel a bit stuck. I do date, but I haven’t had a serious relationship and I think it’s because I’m afraid to tell my parents and live with their potential disappointment. I love my parents and want to make them happy but I also don’t want to have this decision made for me or to compromise what I want in life. What should I do?Signed, East Coast Atheist--Aymann IsmailMan UpAymann on Slate★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jul 2019

1 hr 42 min

This week we talk with Paulie Steinman, the head coach of USA Powerlifting's Classic Masters Team and owner of the beloved Brooklyn gym South Brooklyn Weightlifting Club. We talk about what makes his gym distinct from other gyms, his tough love brand of coaching and get into his varied career -  working as a grip in the film industry, owning a t-shirt making business and finally starting his gym. We also got to learn about his experience growing up as mixed race kid in the 80’s and learning to fight when he got bullied. Finally, we find out about Paulie essentially becoming homeless in the process of opening his gym, which gets deep into how he handles adversity. Below is this week's advice question, in which a listener needs some advice on how to handle their impending baldness. Hey Man, My problem is very straightforward: I’m 21 and my hair is thinning. My hairline is receding, but it’s not quite obvious yet. I have an older brother who is 25 and he’s basically bald, as are my uncles, except for one who I think has hair plugs. I’ve sort of known this was coming since I was a teenager, but I still don’t feel prepared. I don’t want to be bald! I definitely don’t want to be bald in my 20’s. Is anyone going to want to date me?My grandmother, who is very anti-baldness even though it’s probably her genes that are causing this, has offered to pay for hair plugs. I don’t know what to do? I don’t like the idea of having cosmetic surgery and I’d like to be the kind of person who is just okay with his body, but I am not. I realize this is not your decision to make, but what should I do?Signed, Clinton Hill Chrome DomeAbout Paulie:Paulie Steinman has taken a long and meandering path to get to where he is now. He was born in London, England in 1970. He grew up in Potomac, Maryland and Long Island, NY and he currently resides in Brooklyn, NY. Paulie graduated from New York University with a BFA in Film. He worked in the NY film industry as a Grip for about 15 years. He then helped create and manage a screen printing and embroidery factory in Red Hook, Brooklyn for about 10 years. In 2010 he started the South Brooklyn Weightlifting Club (SBWC) and he currently runs it with his wife, Rebecca. SBWC is a unique gym that focuses on barbell sports, wellness, and the mental components of strength training. Paulie is heavily involved in USA Powerlifting as a member of the Executive Committee, National Team coach, and an instructor for the USA Powerlifting coaching courses. Paulie coaches and teaches all over the world and he works with lifters of all levels from novice to world champions. Over the span of his life, Paulie has literally lost everything and then rebuilt it all back up. Clearly, he has not be afraid to take risks. These experiences have helped shape his philosophy and outlook on life. Part of this story can be seen in the 2016 documentary Weight.South Brooklyn Weightlifting ClubUSA PowerliftingDon't forget to get in touch if you want to submit a question:  917-426-4326 or heymanpod@gmail.com★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jun 2019

1 hr 23 min

We talk with Thomas Page McBee, author of "Man Alive" and "Amateur," which documents his journey to become the first trans-man to box in Madison Square Garden. Thomas' full bio is below. Some of the topics discussed include: getting into arguments on the street, anger as the only acceptable emotion for men, why do men fight?, Thomas’ background as a writer, his interest in monsters, the importance of relationships in all of our success, being touch deprived as a man, “what sociologists call the cover of violence”, spotting people at the gym and getting spotted at the gym, strategy in boxing, going through puberty, vulnerability as bravery, making sense of your gender as a man, recognizing our capacity for violence. You can check out Thomas' website here: https://www.thomaspagemcbee.com/After our interview we move on to the following question:Hey Man, I realize as I’m writing this that I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for from you. I’m 30 and a team lead at a pretty big tech company that was formerly a start up but is now well established and owned by an even bigger tech company. I’ve worked my way up in my field, but I’m not satisfied at my job and unsure what to do next. My girlfriend and I have slipped into a very boring rhythm and I can’t tell where the relationship is going. We watch a lot of tv and have separate hobbies. We never have sex and I’m not even sure that I care that much (and I can’t tell what she’s thinking about things). I also have a daily weed habit that I can’t seem to kick. I’m bored when I don’t smoke. I have dreams about waking up early, going to the gym before work and catching up on all of the things I’m behind on, but inevitably I stick to the same pattern: I smoke weed the night before, go to bed late, wake up groggy and get to work late. Then I stay late at work trying to catch up and have a few drinks with co-workers before heading home and doing the same thing over and over again. I’m in a rut and don’t know how to get out of it. Any advice?Signed, Bored to Death★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jun 2019

1 hr 37 min

Speaking with Ben Mathis, daily news blogger at Slate and formerly of New York Magazine. Topics covered include: Growing up in Midland, MI - home of Dow Chemical, maintaining confidence as a writer, writing for the newspaper in junior high, how to balance the pressure to produce on a short deadline, inspirational teachers, writing advice, dealing with trolls and being called a cum stain, an “extreme version of a classic conundrum”, strip clubs and strippers at parties, the burden of keeping a secret, being a coward, white lies and being a good friend,“it’s not for me." Ben's advice: “never waste an opportunity to give a sincere compliment”Hey Man, I have an awkward situation that I need some advice on how to handle. I should note - I’m 30, work as a project manager for a high end contractor and am straight and live with my girlfriend of 3 years. A good friend’s bachelor party is coming up soon and he’s having it in Vegas. This is part of a friend group that I spent more time with when I was younger, but I feel a lot of loyalty to them even though I don’t seem them very often. Part of the reason I don’t see them is that I’ve gone in a different direction in my life and these guys seem to have never grown up (although I should say they’re all professionally successful). The problem is this: I just know they’re going to Vegas to have a real Vegas experience - there are going to be strippers, blow, gambling. Someone, or maybe even many of them, will hire escorts. None of this is my vibe, but the strippers/hookers thing is really not something I’m into. My girlfriend has an even bigger problem with it and doesn’t want me to go. I don’t know what to do. If I don’t go, I’ll really hurt my friend. If I go to some things, but skip out on the strip clubs, I’ll be a total loser in their eyes. I guarantee no one else is skipping out on that. What should I do?Signed, Drip on the StripBen Mathis LillyDon't forget to get in touch if you want to submit a question:  917-426-4326 or heymanpod@gmail.com★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jun 2019

1 hr 24 min

Our first episode with co-hosts Avi Klein & Sam Graham Felsen.We go over the premise of the show, what we hope to get out of it. Avi talks about his work as a psychotherapist and Sam talks about his background and novel.  Then we get to our first advice question before each sharing a piece of advice that matters to us.  Hey Man,I’m 24 and am 6 months into a relationship with an incredible woman who is 10 years older than me. I’ve been in a few relationships, none of which lasted particularly long besides a relationship that spanned most of high school into college. What feels different in this relationship is the dynamic with the woman I’m with - she very much wears the pants in our relationship and in her life. She’s worked her way up the corporate ladder in a competitive field, is very clear about how she wants to spend her time independently and with me. She even calls the shots in bed. For the most part, I have to admit, I really like it. In fact, it feels like this is what I’ve been missing my whole life. She’s demanding and it motivates me to do better. I also like the clarity in giving someone what they want. I guess this is to say, this feels like it satisfies a deep need in me. But I also feel embarrassed by it and embarrassed by how much I like it. Sometimes I wonder if I should take charge more, make plans for the two of us, etc. but I can tell she gets annoyed and doesn’t like it when I try. Is this okay? Is this a normal relationship and how do I figure that out? I also notice that my friends are a little weirded out by this relationship. They’re polite, but I can tell something is off. What do I do about this?Signed, Soft in South BrooklynA few things we talk about: Getting beaten by your wife in poker, “soft”, Freaks and Geeks, having a tutu collection, Marv Albert & Eddie Murphy, not liking your friend's partner, Advice Not Given by Mark Epstein, leaving your friend's NFL fantasy league, being a vegetarian at your friend's BBQ, Sam calls Avi out for not liking him when they first met, how  annoying it is to watch how your friends act in new relationships, Buddhism & Mindfulness. Send us an email at heymanpod@gmail.com or give us a call at 917-426-4326 to have your question featured on the show. Avi's website and articles about masculinity and Louis C.K.Sam's novel★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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Jun 2019

1 hr 13 min