How Do I Rob This?

Oskar Brown and Sebastian Matthias Weissbach

Two gentleman thieves planning the perfect heist.

All Episodes

Harry Macklowe, real estate lover and fine art hater, has painted a Cy Twombly style target on his head – selling a collection of fine art curated by his ex-wife and himself, posting his wedding pics 42ft wide all over New York City, and taking on loans worth a few billion. So, whatever the divorce […]

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Nov 27

54 min 21 sec

Our gentleman thieves are back, baby! For season two! And we’re balls deep inside the latest digital scheme to relieve numbnuts of their hard earned moneys: NFTs. What is an NFT? How do they work? Why would anyone buy them? And, most importantly, which companies profit off of them and have bounty ripe for the […]

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Oct 4

55 min 43 sec

Just so this is clear! This isn’t the show now! We’re not busting scams, other people are far more competent at that.All we are is two friendly gentlemen thieves planning the perfect heist and occasionally helping out people in need of not being scammed.HerTeamOfficial (now Official Femfire) and ThtSoundsGay are two more scams on instagram. […]

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Jul 10

20 min 21 sec

Oskar has fled to international waters while Sebastian remains behind – but nothing can or will stop our two gentleman thieves who are now reduced to one gentleman thief.This month you’ll receive more fun shenanigans from harassing instagram scams as well as an update on SmoothMyBalls and what are arch rivals from going bald down […]

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Jun 7

30 min 2 sec

Did SmoothMyBalls with their smooth bot network get in touch with you as well? Well, they did with us… and boy, we dedicated an entire episode to the “brand”, the affiliate scheme, and the products behind it. Hey there! I work for the “How Do I Rob This?” podcast and I’m a great fan of […]

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May 7

1 hr 15 min

Germany is world renowned for its efficiency – but the vaccine rollout demonstrates that more bureaucracy isn’t always better. With jabs not being shoved into peoples arms, the two gentleman thieves take it upon themselves to vaccinate the willing, the deserving, and themselves. Involving elaborate costumes that would fool Sherlock Holmes himself, a layout of […]

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Apr 9

1 hr 1 min

Oo-De-Lally, motherinvestors! Your favourite theoretical heist podcast is back! Recently Robin Hood – the app not the legend – made hedge funds lose billions and Vlad the Impaler (CEO of Robin Hood – again, the app) quickly struck back and banned everyone from making hedge funds lose money by stocking shorts or shorting stocks. Meanwhile a […]

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Feb 12

56 min 19 sec

A day may come when the courage of podcasting men fails, when the hour of the wolf draws nigh and we leave all market shares to far more popular podcasts, but it is not this day! This day, we record remotely!In this brand new episode, our two gentleman of Numenor thieves return to their mics […]

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Dec 2020

1 hr 6 min

Our two gentleman thieves are split up yet again. While Oskar Brown is oa secret mission retrieving a vaccine microchip from Bill Gates, Sebastian Weissbach distracts you with some ASMR. This solo episode is as sensual as it is nonsensical and brings you some much needed relaxation and deep ear attention, if that’s what you’re […]

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Nov 2020

48 min 21 sec

Influencers are the bane of modern society. They are everywhere, on the streets, in your house, even in your phones! The worst of the worst live in something called Honey House, which is like Hype House for adults. Quote unquote adults. These twentysomethings and their made up careers are no match for two gentleman thieves […]

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Oct 2020

1 hr 9 min

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it two gentleman thieves glued together in an overly expensive suit on a mission to steal Nic Cage’s Superman outfit? Yup. It’s just that. In this episode we time travel to the magical year of 1997, when Nicolas Cage could’ve been Tim Burton’s Superman, fought off […]

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Sep 2020

1 hr

In this episode our two gentleman thieves prove that this is a comedy, not a science podcast. How heavy is one kilogram? Well, it’s a kilogram, that seems to be the obvious answer, but there is a better answer hidden deep underneath the Pavillon de Breteuil. At least an answer that’s more fun to steal: […]

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Aug 2020

57 min 8 sec

What would you do, if you had all the money, fame, and power in the world? Well, if you are world (now in-)famous author Just Kidding Rowling (or maybe it’s pronounced Rowling?) the answer is simple: Use your platform to be a transphobic TERF. Our two gentlemen thieves of course can’t and won’t let that […]

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Jul 2020

1 hr 2 min

Lockdown can’t hold our two gentleman thieves down as they dive deep into the US’s colonial history and take care of one illustrious John Smith. Not the agent from the “Matrix”, the one from Disney’s “Pocahontas”. Except in real life. Turns out, 17th century British captain and Virginia’s governour John Smith was a dick. Who […]

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Jun 2020

58 min 58 sec

Our two gentleman thieves are still in lockdown, but somehow both managed to obtain microphones for this month’s episode. So fret not, audio quality is much better than last time, content quality as well. Did you know that COVID-19 is a fake and also a government conspiracy to mind control non lizard people and distract […]

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May 2020

1 hr 1 min

Prison can’t keep two gentleman thieves back, lockdown can’t keep two gentleman thieves back, and neither can varying audio quality. Corona rules apply, so social distancing, no fancy suits, no first class flights. Join us for episode 20 of our podcast as Oskar and Sebastian steal from the richest prick on Earth Jeffaniel Jeffrey Bezos […]

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Apr 2020

1 hr 23 min

No commander in chief is complete without two of them! That’s testicles and Air Force One and Air Force One II – Electric Boogaloo. Just in time for the upcoming US election pitting one old white man against another, our gentleman thief Sebastian (not that old, white, man) and vixen of crime Judith will steal […]

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Mar 2020

1 hr 4 min

A diamond might be forever, but it can still change hands. On November 7th 2000 seven criminals attempted to steal the Millennium Star diamond with brute force and a speed boat and were caught before they could get a hand on the loot. On February 7th 2020 Judith and Sebastian will succeed where they failed. […]

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Feb 2020

1 hr

Nothing is quite as fashionable as crime… perhaps the world’s most famous Birman cat Choupette. Now that her previous owner Karl Lagerfeld designs black suits in – optimistically – Limbo, she is left to her own devices and Lagerfeld’s millions. Together with special guest Erman Jones our two gentleman thieves plan for a speedy getaway […]

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Jan 2020

1 hr 16 min

It’s time for our two gentleman thieves to don their sexy cat lady costumes and become true cat burglars. Andrew Lloyd Webber who blatantly stole writing credits from the 1981 cast of “Cats – the Musical” as they performed and improvised a play about jellicle (not a word, we checked) cats (very much a word) […]

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Dec 2019

1 hr 13 min

In our 15th episode our two gentleman thieves go down under! Together with Alasdair and Andy from Two in the Think Tank we steal something very comfortable and very right wing. Pauline Hanson from Australia’s One Nation Party has a seat in the Australian Senate in Canberra. For now. Attempting to unseat her and leave […]

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Nov 2019

1 hr 8 min

When God closes a window, he opens a door. Unless of course that door happens to be the world famous door of 10 Downing Street. Originally installed in the 1700s, the door serves the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom as an entrance to his/her office and a prestigious backdrop for interviews. Unfortunately with Brexit […]

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Oct 2019

1 hr 5 min

Billionaires and famous paintings mix about as well as famous paintings and cereal – time for our illustrious crime endorsing duo to free the most expensive painting in the world – “Salvator Mundi” by Leonardo DaVinci (allegedly) – from its current owner. The only problem is that the current owner is none other than Mohammed […]

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Sep 2019

1 hr 3 min

In our twelfth night we can only thank the Academy for the Oscars we are about to steal. As our gentleman thieves Oskar Brown and Sebastian Weissbach and gentlewoman guest thief Olivia Dean embark on a journey to steal from Keyser Soze himself. Kevin Spacey has won two Oscars (that’s roughly one per ten accusations […]

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Aug 2019

1 hr 7 min

Unlike start up businesses, our two gentleman thieves solve actual problems with feasible solutions, and turn a profit while they’re at it. This month, Bird will be crushed unter their wheels, a company run by notorious Bond villain Travis VanderZanden, now CEO and former Uber driver. But how can two honest thieves compete with the […]

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Jul 2019

1 hr 2 min

This time, our two gentleman thieves and special guest @linuspetit go on a journey to fetch something so far fetched, most people had to leave earth to find it. A piece of the moon, loved by NASA, poets, and werewolves alike. How will they go about obtaining a piece of unsuspecting mare basalt? Will this […]

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Jun 2019

1 hr 12 min

It’s a bit of a topsy turvy day in the heist lounge as our two career crooks welcome actress, producer, and queen of crime Judith Shoemaker to go on a spiritual ans holy journey. The crown of thorns has been saved from the fires that ravaged the cathedral of Notre Dame, only to be stored […]

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May 2019

1 hr 11 min

All good things must come to an end and this heist has been eight seasons in the making! In a spectacular publicity stunt Oskar of House Brown, Warden of the South (of Africa) who only has a vague idea what a White Walker is and Sebastian Weissbach, first of his name, the unlearned, King of […]

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Apr 2019

1 hr 14 min

Some people deserve to be robbed and some people really, really deserve to be robbed. German gun manufacturer Heckler und Koch is one of the biggest arms manufacturers in the world. So what better way to take advantage of their shady deals than to employ four strong legs? All our two gentleman thieves need is […]

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Mar 2019

1 hr 4 min

It’s coming home to the two gentleman thieves and their special guest Black Prez as the three of them attempt to steal from the most vicious, corrupt, and downright evil organisation on the planet: FIFA! The FIFA World Cup Trophy is the second of its kind and the only one that hasn’t been stolen. Yet. […]

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Feb 2019

1 hr 16 min

The gentleman thieves are back for another sweet, sweet episode. This time they’re stealing the perhaps sweetest secret of all, a formula so well kept, that only Box 7X would be enough to contain their excitement: the Coca Cola secret formula was concocted by John Pemberton in the late 19th century and is absolutely legendary. […]

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Jan 2019

1 hr 14 min

This “One Time” our two gentleman thieves will get the chance of a lifetime as they not only meet, but actually heist a celebrity. None other than Canada’s national treasure and hotty of the decade, that isn’t Justin Trudeau: Justin Bieber. The singer is not only about to get married, he is unknowingly about to […]

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Dec 2018

1 hr 10 min

It’s go big or go home! In episode three, criminal masterminds Oskar Brown and Sebastian Weissbach welcome special guest star Lie Chee to the heist lounge and steal the Resolute Desk right from under the president’s nose. The very desk where JFK played with his children, Bill Clinton cheated on his wife, and Donald Trump… […]

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Nov 2018

1 hr 8 min

Can you steal a döner kebab? Well, easily. Can you steal a kebab stand? The most famous kebab stand in all of Berlin and then resell it to someone’s sweet sixteen birthday party? Maybe you can’t, but our two gentleman thieves Oskar Brown and Sebastian Weissbach are sure going to try. Mustafa’s Gemüse Döner at […]

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Oct 2018

42 min 37 sec

In the very first episode of the podcast, gentleman thieves Oskar Brown and Sebastian Matthias Weissbach plan the robbery of an IKEA furniture store. Stakes are high with an estimated score of 300.000 Euros. How do they go about it, what are the ins and outs? And can they assemble their plan just in time […]

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Oct 2018

1 hr 15 min