Kill Every Monster

Aram Vartian, Dylan Malenfant

We are a show about Monsters.

In each episode, Dylan and Aram invite a new guest on for a DM-deep-dive into every Monster in the Manual.

Welcome to Kill Every Monster
Trailer 2 min 20 sec

All Episodes

The Monster Manual describes Flumphs as creatures who “mysteriously drift through the Underdark, propelled through the air by the jets whose sound gives them their name. A flumph glows faintly, reflecting its moods in its color. Soft pink means it is amused, deep blue is sadness, green expresses curiosity, and crimson is anger.Flumphs are intelligent and wise, and communicate telepathically. Though they resemble jellyfish, flumphs are sentient beings of great intelligence and wisdom, possessing advanced knowledge of religion, philosophy, mathematics, and countless other subjects."MUSIC"Brandenburg No.4" by the Advent Chamber Orchestra"The War In My Head" by Dexter Britain"Darkness" by Borrtex"Discovery" by Jon Luc Hefferman"Epoch" by Jon Luc Hefferman"A Stranger's Map of Texas" by Michael Chapman & The Woodpiles"Vision Quest of the Bearheart" by Geronimo Snijtsheuvel"See You Soon" by Borrtex"Calm The Fuck Down" by Broke For Free"Les doutes" by Mathieu Lamontagne & Emmanuel Toledo"Ondes de Gravit" by Mathieu Lamontagne & Emmanuel Toledo"Reading The Greens" by Hogan Grip"Damned" by Scott HolmesKill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. In each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Send us your questions for our Season 1 Mailbag episode!COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

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Nov 22

1 hr 13 min

Doppelgangers are described in the Monster Manual as “devious shapeshifters that take on the appearance of other humanoids, throwing off pursuit or luring victims to their doom with misdirection and disguise. Few creatures spread fear, suspicion, and deceit better than doppelgangers. Found in every land and culture, they can take on the guise of any individual of any race.”We are joined by Noir.Noir is a voice actor, streamer, musician, and improviser. He has studied at Chicago's iO, Westside Theater, and Second City. He is the Nerdy host of Critical Misses' Morning Ritual, creator and Game Master for Kobold Presses Into the Southlands, Magpies CPP ProgramMUSIC"Creeping" by Borrtex"Memories Of Thailand" (Beat Doctor's 'stuck in Britain' remix) by Risey"Darkness" by Three Chain Links"The Blue Danube Waltz" by Johann Strauss II"Autumn Mvt 3 Allegro" by John Harrison with the Wichita State University Chamber PlayersBartok - Roumanian Folk Dances - Waistband Dance Roumanian Polka Maruntel" by the Advent Chamber Orchestra"Brandenburg Concerto No. 5 - Bach" by "Dee Yan-Key""Epic Cinematic" by Scott Holmes"Of Elias Dream" by BensoundKill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. In each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Send us your questions for our Season 1 Mailbag episode!COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

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Nov 8

1 hr 28 min

After the werewolf episode, Diana wrote a short story about an Armenian lycanthropy myth, the Mardagayl. It touched us, and we asked her if she would record it so we could produce the story and share it with you.So please welcome back Diana as she tells us a werewolf story.Music from this episode by Ilya Kaplan.Find out more about the show at killeverymonster.com

Nov 7

3 min 37 sec

Before we set out to record the Incubus episode, we got together with Mike to make sure we could figure out a way to handle the problematic aspects of the creature. We wanted to retain the danger of an Incubus' charm without it being harmful to the players at the table and the audience listening.Sly Flourish's Session 0 Safety ToolsKill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. In each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Send us your questions for our Season 1 Mailbag episode!COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

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Nov 2

29 min 27 sec

The Monster Manual states that “Succubi and Incubi inhabit all of the Lower Planes, and the lascivious dark-winged fiends can be found in service to devils, demons, night hags, rakshasas, and yugoloths. Asmodeus, ruler of the Nine Hells, uses these fiends to tempt mortals to perform evil acts. The demon lord Graz’zt keeps succubi and incubi as advisers and consorts.Though legend speaks of them separately, any succubus can become an incubus, and vice versa. Most of these fiends do have a preference for one form or the other. Mortals only rarely see a succubus or incubus in its true form, however, for the fiend typically begins its corruption in veiled, insidious ways.”Listen to our Session 0 safety brief for the Incubus encounterWe are joined by Mike.Mike—whose pronouns are he/they—is a video producer and streamer from the Pacific Northwest. You can find him weekly on Let’s Get Wildemount via  @CriticalBard. His pastimes include caring for his dogs, tabletop games, and losing his sense of self by endlessly scrolling Wikipedia.MUSIC"Beautiful Geometry" by Phish Funk"A Stranger's Map of Texas" by Michael Chapman & The Woodpiles"Haere Mai Ambient Mix" by Parvus Decree"Sexy Time" by Leather Uppers"Going Undercover" by Borrtex"Depths of Self-Deception" by Parvus Decree"Seeing The Future" by Dexter BritainKill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. In each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Send us your questions for our Season 1 Mailbag episode!COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

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Oct 25

1 hr 24 min

Green Hags are described in the Monster Manual as “wretched and hateful creatures that dwell in dying forests, lonely swamps, and misty moors, making their homes in caves. Green hags love to manipulate other creatures into doing their bidding, masking their intentions behind layers of deception. They lure victims to them by mimicking voices calling out for help, or drive unwanted visitors away by imitating the cries of fierce beasts.”Get our DM's notes and print-ready maps for the Hag encounterWe are joined by Sally Tamarkin.Sally—whose pronouns are she/her—is an editor, writer, and sensitivity reader. She’s been a lifestyle journalist since 2014 and a TTRPG enthusiast since about 1988 when she discovered her older brother’s Advanced Dungeons and Dragons books and began to read and (obsessively re-read) them. She has a master’s of social work in community organizing and co-hosts the podcast Oh, I Like That. You can find her online @sallyt and at sally.gay.BLOOD LIBELThe term blood libel refers to the false allegation that Jews used the blood of non-Jewish, usually Christian children, for ritual purposes. The Nazis made effective use of the blood libel to demonize Jews, with Julius Steicher's newspaper Der Stürmer making frequent use of ritual murder imagery in its antisemitic propaganda.MUSIC"Darkness" by Three Chain Links"Please Wake Up" by Meydn"Everest" by Scott Holmes"Seeing The Future" by Dexter Britain"Depths of Self-Deception" by Parvus Decree"Oblivion Cage I" by Parvus DecreeKill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. Each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Send us your questions for our Season 1 Mailbag episode!COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

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Oct 11

59 min 21 sec

The Monster Manual describes the werewolf as “a savage predator. In its humanoid form, a werewolf has heightened senses, a fiery temper, and a tendency to eat rare meat. Its wolf form is a fearsome predator, but its hybrid form is more terrifying by far — a furred and well-muscled humanoid body topped by a ravening wolf’s head. A werewolf can wield weapons in hybrid form, though it prefers to tear foes apart with its powerful claws and bite.”Get our DM's notes and print-ready maps for the Werewolf encounterIn this episode, we are joined by writer and gamemaster Diana. Diana (or Superdillin) is a tabletop RPG creator and entertainer, author of Neverland the Impossible Island a 5e Setting guide, 1/2 of the Femsplained podcast, and a big ol' queer dork.MUSIC"I Am a Man Who Will Fight for Your Honor" by Chris Zabriskie"Oneiri" by Kai Engel"Sunset" by Kai Engel"Cylinder Seven" by Chris Zabriskie"Mermaid" by Tenebrous Brothers CarnivalKill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. Each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Send us your questions for our Season 1 Mailbag episode!COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

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Sep 27

54 min 59 sec

The Monster Manual describes goblins as “small, black-hearted, selfish humanoids that lair in caves, abandoned mines, despoiled dungeons, and other dismal settings. Individually weak, goblins gather in large—sometimes overwhelming—numbers. They crave power and regularly abuse whatever authority they obtain.”Get our DM's notes and print-ready maps for the Goblin encounterIn this episode, we are joined by writer and gamemaster Michael Loving (who is also known as Captain Mel) and whose pronouns are he/him. Michael is a professional voice actor, game master, writer, and editor for tabletop RPGs. He is a regular cast member on the D&D Actual Play Podcast "The League of Ultimate Questing" and an irregular guest star on Godsfall, when Aram bothers to make time for his friends. You can find him on Twitter at @OG_Captain_MEL.MUSIC"The Path of the Goblin King" by Kevin MacLeod"Ghost Dance" by Kevin MacLeod"Miris Magic Dance" by Kevin MacLeodNational Anthem of USSR"Fiddles McGinty" by Kevin MacLeodKill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. Each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Send us your questions for our Season 1 Mailbag episode!COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

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Sep 13

1 hr 20 min

The Monster Manual describes the banshee as “the undead remnants of elves who, blessed with great beauty, failed to use their gift to bring joy to the world. Instead, they used their beauty to corrupt and control others. Elves afflicted by the banshee’s curse experience know no gladness, feeling only distress in the presence of the living. As the curse takes its toll, their minds and bodies decay until death completes their transformation into undead monsters.”Get our DM's notes and print-ready maps for the Banshee encounterWe are joined this episode by writer and conservationist Orla ní Dhúill.Orla is an Irish writer and professional tree botherer bouncing between Dublin and an island off the west coast of Ireland where she can stand on sea cliffs and scream to her heart's content. She is the creator of best-selling DMs Guild adventure Murder on the Eberron Express and a contributor to 2c Gaming's TPK Bestiary Vol 2.MUSIC"Song of the Banshee" by Aine Minogue"Virtutes Vocis" and "Virtutes Instrumenti" by Kevin MacLeod"The Path of the Goblin King" by Kevin MacLeod"See You Soon" by Borrtex"Hero Down" by Kevin MacLeod"Blizzard" by Kai Engel"Capital City" by Sebastian AnusKill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. Each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Send us your questions for our Season 1 Mailbag episode!COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

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Aug 30

1 hr

Welcome to Kill Every Monster.Kill Every Monster is a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast. In each episode we are joined by a guest to discuss the lore, mechanics, and story potential of classic D&D creatures. We debate tactics for maximizing these creatures in your game, and we ask the ever-important question: are they really a monster?Episodes run about an hour; half discussion, and half trying to bring down the greatest horror in all of Dungeons and Dragons: Aram Vartian. Immediately following this series announcement is our pilot episode, the Banshee with writer and conservationist Orla Ní Dhuil. To learn more about the show, head on over to killeverymonster.com.There you’ll find links to our Discord and Twitter, and ways that you can help support the show while getting exclusive, monthly rewards like early episode releases and our Lorekeeper notes. Check out all of our rewards at patreon.com/killeverymonster.So check out the pilot episode right now on iTunes, Spotify, and any place you get your podcasts. And thank you for listening to KILL EVERY MONSTER! COMMUNITYDiscordTwitterRedditInstagramFacebook

Aug 30

2 min 20 sec