Latter-day Saints Dealing With Pornography in Marriage

Danny & Lindsay Poelman

Podcast by Danny & Lindsay Poelman

All Episodes

In this episode, Lindsay and Danny talk about the power of intention. Although we may feel inclined to work extremely hard and hustle even harder to get the results we are looking for, that may not be the most sustainable way for change in the long term. Intentions are what allows you to make sustainable changes in your life, without feeling the burnout. Why? Because they are a reminder of why you are doing what you are doing in the first place. If you don't have proper intentions set in place, you can find yourself lost when things get difficult. You can learn more about the power and importance of intention by listening to the full episode.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Nov 15

22 min 11 sec

In this episode, Lindsay and Danny talk about your body's intuition and how to know when we are ignoring it. Our bodies and brains are here to help us survive in the moment. The main goal is survival, not to thrive. This leads us to ignoring a lot of what our bodies are trying to tell us when we are in certain situations. This episode talks about how you can recognize those overrides and what you can do about them.Listen to the episode to learn more! Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Nov 8

32 min 57 sec

In this episode of Latter-Day Saints Dealing with Pornography in Marriage, host Lindsay Poelman talks about the differences between abusive behavior and abusive attitudes. She talks about how behavior always trumps the intention someone has set, and how we can navigate these problems in marriage. Listen to the episode to learn more! Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Oct 4

23 min 1 sec

In this episode of Latter Day Saints Dealing with Pornography in marriage, Danny and Lindsay Poelman share some of their past client's success stories. They celebrate the wins and accomplishments of those who have gone through their program.They also talk about 3 strategies to deal with negative thoughts and beliefs. They break down what thoughts are, how they affect our belief system, and what we can do to break those patterns. Listen to the episode to learn more! Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Sep 20

23 min 56 sec

In this episode, host Danny Poelman talks about the importance of shifting your identity when changing a habit. He discusses the subtle differences between being a person who is "quitting" a habit, and a person who "quit" the habit. He discusses the importance of inward change and how that affects our habits externally. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Aug 16

14 min 7 sec

In this week's episode, Danny gives us his insight on why feeling unmotivated doesn't make you an unmotivated person. We are so quick to put labels on ourselves, or are really hard on ourselves when we have shortcomings. This is the easiest way to fail, because we are already telling ourselves that we are destined to fail. Listen to Danny as he breaks the cycle and shifts the narrative to giving yourself grace as you work towards the path of healing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jul 25

14 min 34 sec

In this episode Lindsay and Danny Poelman discuss the harms that come from telling women that the way they choose to dress affects men's behavior. This is not only harmful to women, but also disempowers men from making choices from their own agency. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jul 12

19 min 8 sec

Why is it that we are willing to do anything for our kids to set them up for success, but, at times, maybe without even realizing it, we are unwilling to do that for ourselves? If our children are struggling in school we will get them tutors. If they want to learn a sport we take them to practice/lessons. If they need something, we will find the resources for them, because we want the best for them.Let’s become aware of how we may be holding ourselves back in some very important ways. What is the disconnect in finding help that could better our life quality? In this episode Danny and Lindsay explore what holds us back from seeking help, paying for help, being open to new approaches, or even working on areas in our lives that we want to improve in. They break down what are some mental barriers people tend to face and how to find what actually works for you. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jun 21

25 min 6 sec

Intimacy is an important part in navigating any relationship. Intimacy can be found in romantic relationships, friendships, familial relationships, and even our relationship with ourselves.  It is one of the biggest markers in building a thriving community, or tribe, that will also enrich the life of the individual. In this episode Danny and Lindsay Poelman discuss the 6 forms of intimacy, the effects it has on our lives, and our relationship with intimacy. Join them as they delve into all the nuanced ideas revolving intimacy, and how it can shape complete relationships. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jun 14

34 min 3 sec

When learning, or unlearning, something, it is going to have a lot of bumps. Training yourself is a difficult thing to do and faltering is not uncommon. It is normal to feel frustrated, disappointed, or even angry when you don't get things perfect the first time around. But it is important to give yourself grace, especially when working on building a new skill. It is ok to be ok with where you are in your progress.It is ok to be ok with where you are in your journey. In this episode, Danny Poelman breaks down the  importance of being ok with where you are right now. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jun 7

21 min 15 sec

I believe that we are born emotionally connected to our bodies.  Any disconnect we feel today is either instinctual, was instinctual, or was taught to us. And guess what? Anything that was taught out of you can be taught back in. Learning to trust your body is revolutionary. We get to provide what wasn’t provided to us. Tune in to understand why we aren’t connected to our bodies, and get some ideas for how to approach a deep loving connection with that gorgeous, trustworthy body of yours. When we do this, we see that our bodies are our best friends.They are there for us on the hard days,Easy days, they grow with us, shrink with us, adapt, Make do with what they’re nourished with.If you don’t absolutely love the relationship you have to your body, listen in. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

May 31

20 min 2 sec

62. You Don't Want What You Don't Think is Possible by Danny & Lindsay Poelman

May 6

38 min 32 sec

Tune in as I interview Erin Aquin is a Master Certified and Deep Dive Coach who works with entrepreneurs to create more love and success in their lives without burning out. We talk about:· Where certainty really comes from,· Having the courage as a woman to self-invest before your partner is fully understanding,· Investing in yourself when you’re not working,· Baby-stepping yourself into self-care even when it’s uncomfortable,· Why it feels morally incongruous to spend money to feel great, and· Erin drops truth bombs around coaching being the less expensive option when it comes to staying married versus getting divorced! I could have talked to her for hours, but we kept it to one. Find what you love and email Lindsay@LindsayPoelmanCoaching with any lingering questions you have! Want more of Erin? She is co-hosting the virtual Love + Success Summit happening May 11-13, 2021 here (www.revitalizeyourrelationship.com/summit).Her third book Revitalize Your Relationship is currently available on Amazon.com (https://www.amazon.com/Revitalize-Your-Relationship-Guide-Beautiful/dp/B08KTXW7K4).Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Apr 30

48 min 52 sec

“It’s not okay to plan to look at porn,” right?If you think that reacting to urges with porn is better than planning to look at porn, you are accidentally buying in to some disempowering, progress-hindering ideas.What is an Exception Plan?Let me walk you through some of the things I’ve found while working with men to quit the habit of porn.Tweaking your mindset in these ways can have a surprisingly impactful effect.You can fight harder, with your same approach, and keep porn in your life longer.Or you can take a new, smarter approach, that helps you eliminate your habit of porn, so you can move on to your life without it.Do you really want to cling so tightly to your current approach?It’s time to work smarter instead of harder.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Apr 22

42 min 9 sec

Lindsay does a solo episode.Whether you are a family-oriented woman or man, tune in for empowering approaches to being a parent.How to bring more YOU to the process, and how that’s a good thing.Relevant Mother hood is: YOU, deciding what works for you.Relevant Motherhood is: YOU, spending energy on yourself and thinking about what you want, not what you think you should want.Relevant Motherhood is: You, carving out your dreams and your life based on your absolute beautiful unique set of experience that NO OTHER HUMAN HASRelevant Motherhood is: You, knowing that it's not going to look the way everyone thinks your actions should look--letting that be ok.Relevant Motherhood is: You letting people be wrong about you--and loving them anyway.Relevant Motherhood is: You fiercely loving and protecting your beautiful self the way you would a beautiful newborn. Relevant motherhood is acting on your knowing when others disagree with you.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Apr 8

22 min 16 sec

The results in your life come from existing thought patterns in your brain.If you want long-term, sustainable changes in your results, then changing thought patterns becomes very important.Human brains average 60,000-70,000 thoughts each day.95% of your thoughts each day are unconscious/automatic.5% of your thoughts are conscious.Thoughts cause feelings.Even unconscious thoughts can cause negative, neutral, or positive feelings.Thought Work is using part of our conscious thinking time to examine the unconscious patterns going on.Gaining awareness of a pattern helps you gain authority over it.This is where your power to choose comes in. It exists in the now, in your consciousness.A belief is just a thought repeated over and over.Training your brain to think new things is like training a wild stallion (see podcast).You’ll notice the feelings before the thoughts a lot of times.Don’t get so focused on where you want to be and how you’re not there yet.Begin right where you are, not where you were yesterday or where you long to be.All of your power to exercise choice/agency in your thinking, exists right now.The more moments you can create in the NOW, of believing something even slightly different, the more you will shift in to transformation, inside and out.Test it with the feeling. Embody the new feeing of the new thinking.Too far too fast, forcing, does not work.But you can commit to eventuallly believing something.In the mean time, try on a new thought that is slightly different than current one, and in the direction of the desired one.I recommend starting with love.If I loved myself truly and deeply, how would I think right now?What would I decide for me right now?Do not underestimate the power of loving yourself.You are worth it.You are worth loving.You are worth helping.You are worth getting help.We can tell you these things all day long.But whether you believe it or not is up to you.And it really is a choice.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Mar 18

34 min 6 sec

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Mar 5

27 min 51 sec

Telling yourself that you are powerless.Helpful or not?For me, NOT!For every guy that ends up coming to me for coaching? NOT!Why we tell ourselves we’re powerless?For one thing, it’s become a tradition in 12-steps groups (NOTE: studies suggest that only 5%-10% of people find success with 12-steps groups).In The Church of Jesus Christ, 12-steps is called ARP (Addiction Recovery Program).And the ones who do find “success” there, or lasting sobriety, many of them still walk around telling themselves they are powerless, and still wishing they could turn to their habit.More importantly, many of us have pretty painful stories we tell ourselves when we start to take responsibility for all of our choices with pornography.Most guys, when starting this work (including my past-self), have a hard time wrapping their mind around the idea that maybe it was always a choice.Maybe they’ve always had the power to choose.And if they always had the power to choose, that means that they used their power to choose porn.And what do we make it mean when we actually used our power to choose porn?Usually a terrible, no-good, shame-filled, all-out attack on ourselves and our character. A should-y conversation where we should all over ourselves.The biggest self-beatdown we can muster.Because we think: the bigger the beatdown for choosing porn, the more likely we’ll be to not choose it again.Works great, doesn’t it?Actually, the more painful we make it for ourselves to accept that we chose porn all along, the more difficult it is to claim your power.Your already-existing power.Your always-existed power.Your always-will-exist power.Shame is not the answer.Love and acceptance are more powerful.Change requires power.If I were to sum up what I do as a coach. I would say that I show guys how to more fully access their own, built-in, already-existing power.I don’t give them all the answers. I show them their brain, and where their power is, and they, using their power, find their own way to success.Yes, I offer them a lot of support and many tools along the way to help them know where to direct this power, to help streamline the process.But it’s still a process.And that’s okay.Because we’re playing the long-game here.We’re going for sustainability.For regular, intentional healing.For genuine enrichment of our lives.For greater love and enjoyment.2 Questions:What already-existing power might you be ignoring in your efforts to quit porn?How can you make it easier for yourself to access that power?Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Feb 26

35 min 26 sec

When you are a fish in water, you don’t even know you’re in water.Just because an abusive behavior exists does not make someone an abuser.You can honor your own feelings AND increase your awareness WITHOUT putting your marriage in jeopardy (if you choose).There are disempowering and empowering ways to approach the subject of abuse. You experience both ways while you’re healing/growing.Your process is unique to you.Developing your Self-Concept is key, for quitting porn and for up-leveling your marriage.Setting boundaries can become easy and full of love.Up-leveling your marriage experience can be uncomfortable, but it’s so worth it.You might not even know yet how good it could be for you.If you can imagine it, and desire it, it’s possible.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Feb 11

46 min 19 sec

“I’m starting over.”“I lost all my progress.”For many of us, streak-tracking is the only key-indicator we use to measure our progress.A streak is the number of days you’ve gone without porn.Streak = progressHas this approach gotten you where you want to be? If not, maybe it’s time for a new approach.Alternatives to streak-tracking discussed.What if we prioritize tracking our use of a well-planned system over tracking how many days it’s been since last viewing porn.Getting reps in is more important than amount of time spent on a goal, or new habit. What kind of reps will you measure for you?How to make progress more obvious, more attainable, and more enjoyable.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Feb 4

31 min 12 sec

Lindsay’s shares some lessons from 2020. Including lessons on perfectionism and “reframing.”Coaching on porn/marriage helps you achieve business goals. What?!How to feel more alive and more fully embrace this experience we call being human. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jan 22

29 min 6 sec

Money goals are like porn goals.Some lessons from 2020.Our relationship with money has everything to do with our thoughts about money.Danny shares about his work on money beliefs in 2020.Have you ever thought:“Once I make $X amount of money, I’ll be enough.”“Once I have $X amount of savings, I’ll be enough.”“Once I am out of student loan debt, I’ll be enough.”“Once I grow my business to $X in a year, I’ll be enough.”We do this with porn too:“Once I stop looking at porn, I’ll be enough.”“Once he stops looking at porn, I’ll be enough.”We got this backwards. With money and porn.Developing the belief in your “enough-ness” regardless of the circumstances of money in your life. That’s what propels you toward your money goals.Even though Danny hit his financial goal for the year last week, it didn’t automatically help him feel “enough.” What a great reminder!We wanted to share this reminder with you.Thoughts that you are not enough are what keep you going back to porn.Developing genuine belief that you are enough, just as you are (with or without porn), is what leads you to dropping porn.There is Not Better Than Here.Join us for some other lessons from 2020.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jan 1

44 min 35 sec

Don’t be too quick to skip this one just because it’s about grief. Grief does not only apply to losing loved ones. Grief is also part of the way we experience relationships with ourselves and others.The way we interact with grief matters. And it is, in our experience, a regular part of personal transformation.If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:“I should have done it differently.”“My best days are behind me.““That was my shot.” (And it’s gone, that was it. No more.)If you recognize these ideas from your own life, then come dig deeper what role grief plays in all of this. How we can make the most of our experience with grief and use it to our advantage.How to approach it in a more intentional, empowering way.How to begin to process your grief in a way that allows you to move forward: -in your relationship with self/others-in your marriage-in your life-in forming new habits.Love your way into change instead of hate/shame yourself into shame.Post traumatic growth.Is there a “right” way to grieve?Our guest is Krista St-Germain.She is a fellow life coach certified through the Life Coach School. She’s easy to talk to and has a fresh, empowering approach to grief. Her focus is on helping widowed moms.If what Krista said jives with you, go find her at:www.coachingwithkrista.comLindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Dec 2020

47 min 54 sec

7 Ways to Build Self-control and Enjoy the Holidays:1. Give yourself permission to not want to do certain things with your family.2. Drop the judgment toward yourself3. Take moments to recharge when you need them.4. Give people permission to not change at all.5. Be willing to let discomfort be part of the holidays.6. Own responsibility for your own thoughts/feelings and let others own theirs.7. Do Thought Work/coaching/self-coaching.This month is the perfect opportunity to work on these things.We discuss these things more in depth in our podcast today, with a real client example.Many guys look at porn during these times, or in anticipation of these times. Or immediately after "getting through" these times.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Dec 2020

40 min 1 sec

1. It’s not only okay, but also an important part of your growth to allow yourself to want more.2. You can experience desired changes regardless of whether the people/circumstances around you change.3. The changes you want are possible. If you can desire it, it is possible. The changes you want start with you. Would you really want it another way?You want that power. Trust us. It’s a good thing.Listen in on our discussion in today’s podcast episode.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Nov 2020

25 min 11 sec

When finding out your husband has been looking at porn, some people over-react, some people under-react, but we would offer to you that all reactions are normal.Your reaction can show up physically in your body.Some of it feels voluntary, some involuntary.And maybe many emotions that you either aren’t sure how to handle or feel incapable of handling.Don’t worry, we’ve got you.Tune in to find out these 4 things that you need to know right away to start finding relief and healing. To help you feel more in control, at least a little bit. Don’t wait to take care of yourself in this way.You are worth taking care of today! Right now.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comClick Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide:https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Nov 2020

16 min 17 sec

47. Come-From-Behind Periodic Wins Vs. Sustainable Blowout Wins by Danny & Lindsay Poelman

Nov 2020

30 min 27 sec

46. A Better Way to Solve Problems by Danny & Lindsay Poelman

Oct 2020

48 min 17 sec

Have you heard the idea that if you are going to quit a habit (like porn) that you need a replacement habit?While the idea behind this can be helpful, the mindset with which you approach it might not be.You may be accidentally reinforcing your urges to go back to the old habit.For a habit you’re trying to quit, the last thing you want to do is make it even harder to quit.Tune in to this podcast episode to learn how to tweak your mindset in a way that will make it that much easier to quit your habit.Is it more impressive to build a house hammering one nail at a time (by hand)? Or would you rather work a little smarter, pick up the pneumatic nail gun and get it done lickety-split?Let’s use our heads and make something we think is hard a little easier on ourselves.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Oct 2020

21 min 12 sec

Do you feel like you are experiencing the same problems over and over?If you want to solve your problems, we are talking about some things you need to know in this podcast.It is likely that you will need to look at your problem in a new way if you want new results.New results doesn’t mean NO problems, it just means NEW problems.Why getting new problems can be the best thing ever.Some examples of what your life could be like if you join in the process of solving your problems, first, at the level of the mind.And then the magic starts happening.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Oct 2020

25 min 20 sec

Yes. Talking about money is directly related to you learning how to not look at porn, and/or creating the life and marriage you want.If you have any “money drama” at all about investing in coaching for yourself (so many of us do), part of you might want to skip this podcast. Don’t do it!The reason we avoid this type of conversation, is because of the money drama we create in our minds and the feelings that brings up.But do you really want the thinking you’ve learned toward money to be what stands in the way of you finding success with your problem?In this podcast, we’re having a helpful conversation about useful steps to take in decisions about investing money in yourself.After listening, you will have more clarity on how to make your most useful decision about whether to invest money in yourself on coaching or not.If this is a barrier for you, clarifying/honing your approach could change everything for you. Helping you create more of the life you want. It can be better than you even realize right now.Click the link below and tune in now.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Oct 2020

51 min 59 sec

You feel like maybe you shouldn't want more because you already have so much. Or because other people need it more.For you husbands, part of you wants porn. Part of you doesn’t. You want to not want porn.You’re more likely to “distract [yourself] with pleasure when [your] life is void of meaning.” Because “the chief desire of man is not pleasure but meaning.” -Viktor Frankl (Holocaust survivor/neurologist/psychiatrist)So how do you intentionally bring meaning back into the picture?It starts with wanting.You now have permission to want more without rejecting your current self/circumstances/situation.You can love your current self/life AND want more. Simultaneously. Permission granted. You’re welcome!Also, this is more crucial than you realize to help you become the man you want to be.Where do you even start with this process?How do you know if it's even possible? (Because if it's not possible, is it even worth wanting?)Tune in to find out.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Sep 2020

31 min 18 sec

You’re struggling but you think you’re not supposed to struggle because you’ve been so blessed.You feel alone in your struggle, but you can’t tell anyone if you’re not “supposed” to be struggling in the first place.Is your struggle not socially acceptable?“Where much is given, much is required,” you tell yourself.You want help with your struggles but don’t tell anyone or ask for it because it’s not supposed to be there.You want to be open and honest but you hold back because certain types of struggle (porn) are just “not okay.”If you let yourself think “It’s okay that I struggle with this,” then you worry what’s to stop you from letting your habit run wild.This type of thinking, although well-intended, is keeping you stuck in the struggle.Do you want to remain stuck? If so, continue this approach.If not, tune in to this podcast episode for some ideas of how to get unstuck and actually start working the problem once and for all.How we can help make it easier for our loved ones to get the help they want.In a way, regardless of our circumstances, every one of us has an equal opportunity to struggle in our own ways. Because each one of us has a human brain.And what if it’s meant to be that way.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Sep 2020

25 min

Do you find yourself frustrated and powerless while wishing for things to be different than they are?Maybe you want to go back in time.Maybe you think a new husband will do the trick. Or you wish you struggled with a different vice than porn.Why do we not want to accept our new “normal”?Why can’t I handle it on on my own like “normal” people?It’s one thing to use imagination as the end goal to help escape our real life in this moment.It’s another thing to use imagination as a tool to help you know where you want to go and to deal with the present moment in a way that moves you in that direction.Spending time in fantasy land doesn’t help you deal with reality.If we practice choosing this fantasy (wishing things were different) over reality, it’s no wonder we turn to the fantasy of porn to escape our real life moments.How men and women both do this.Removing the fantasy can help you better clean up reality.The question is, do you want to feel empowered to deal with your problems or feel powerless?Imagination as the end goal? Or imagination as a means to the end goal?One of these keeps you stuck and spinning. One of them helps you find focus, vision, and forward movement.How can you use your imagination to help get you where you want to go?You don’t realize it yet, but your new “normal” will be even better than the “normal” you’ve been wishing for.At the end of the podcast Danny shares a vision statement that he wrote about his vision for the future as men, husbands, fathers, priesthood holders. Don’t miss it.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Sep 2020

37 min 18 sec

People come to us all the time worried that they aren't progressing:* sustainably* in the way they want to* fast enough* at all* Or everything is just getting worseIf you are here reading this, progress is probably important to you.Even if porn is not your specific issue, these ideas can help you.Wanting instant results with little to know effort is part of what keeps leading you back to porn. Instant dopamine - hardly any effort.Using the same approach that leads you to porn is not going to help you learn the skill of not looking at porn.Here is a 5-step process to ensure that you are progressing...For Danny’s blog post on this process:https://www.dannypoelman.com/blog/5-step-process-to-make-sure-you-re-progressingLindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Sep 2020

38 min 53 sec

We do it. Our wives do it."I should have known better" seems like a helpful story. But it's hurting you more than you know. How to be less obsessed about making the right decision and more focused on making the best decision you can.When we bash ourselves for decisions we made in the past, we can unknowingly extinguish the confidence and trust in ourselves that we could be accessing now.Confidence and trust that would help you make better decisions now and in the future.We expect to be duped again.We buy into the idea that we must just not be cut out for this.We practice this story that our decisions were "not enough."It creates distress which can literally shut off the creative and problem-solving part of your brain.When we are willing to view our past selves through this new lens, it better allows us to do the best we can do at this time.Turn off the doubting and 2nd guessing.Turn on the creative and problem-solving part of your brain.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Aug 2020

26 min 19 sec

Looking at porn is a quick, easy way to get a big dopamine hit that tricks our brains into thinking it accomplished something important to our survival.Often times, when guys want to learn to stop looking at porn, they want to take this same approach.Where's the magic pill that makes my desire for porn go away?If I had it, I would have taken it years ago. And I'd be selling it for millions of dollars right now.But if we use the same quick/easy approach in our efforts to quit porn, we'll just keep turning to porn.To quit porn, you need to learn to play the long game. You need to be willing to let it get harder before it gets easier.You need to be willing to:1. Feel uncomfortable AND2. Stay committed.Let's talk about both of these.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Aug 2020

28 min 58 sec

You are unique. You are one of a kind. Nobody is arguing with that.But it’s possible to take this mentality to an unhelpful level. To a level that:-halts your ability to change-prevents growth-shoots yourself in the footIt’s called Special Snowflake Syndrome.Signs you might be doing this would be if you are thinking:-That works for other people but not for me.-I’m extra broken.-I always have compassion for others in these scenarios, but not for me.-My situation is just different because______-I should know better.-Other people just don’t understand.Basically, special snowflake syndrome is creating an excuse for why something is impossible for you and then believing it, as though it’s a fact.We talk about why do this.3 elements of Special Syndrome:1. Victim mentality. (Impossible)2. Wanting to believe that something is particularly special, hard, and difficult about our lives.3. A way to isolate ourselves.What the Drama Triangle is and how this comes into play here?Some ways that we appreciate our uniqueness are helpful.Other ways, not so much.You’re invited to join our conversation about it, increase your awareness, and get intentional about your approach.What if you can both appreciate your special-ness (your unique abilities and what only you can offer the world) AND recognize our shared human experience in an empowering, healing way.We can isolate and go it alone. Or we can choose to be in this together.What approach serves you best to create the life you’re wanting?We want to hear from YOU, individually.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Aug 2020

32 min 3 sec

If you think you can’t afford to spend time self-coaching, we ask you this:What if you can’t afford not to self-coach?Self-coaching is a way to practice managing your own mind.We’re talking about how having a regular practice of self-coaching can actually create more time for you.How it can create more ease and clarity in your life.Less willpower-battling and more sustainable power.Why people don’t want to do it.Some of the pitfalls people run in to.Our personal experience with self-coaching and just how impactful it has been.Accelerate your desired results by starting with managing your mind.Repetition is key.We offer a basic, step by step way to get started.Our clients who utilize regular self-coaching progress toward their goals much faster.What if you prioritized meetings with yourself the way you would a meeting with the most “important” person in the world?You are the CEO of your own life, after all.An invitation.Link to Danny’s blog post (on his old website), “It May Surprise You What a Year of Coaching Did For Me. It Sure Surprised Me!”:https://iamoutofmymind.wpcomstaging.com/2020/01/10/it-may-surprise-you-what-a-year-of-coaching-did-for-me-it-sure-surprised-me/Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Aug 2020

35 min 17 sec

Lots of people want to feel validated, but what does that mean? And what does that look like in marriage?Don’t expect your validation to all come from one person. (Have a few different sources for different subjects)The most important person to get validation from is yourself.You don’t have to validate anyone that you don’t want to.Be willing to recognize whether validation is the most helpful thing for you in that moment.When is validation useful?When is validation not useful?Even if other people validate and agree with you, you are still responsible for how you choose to think/feel/act.Validation is comfortable. While “being comforted” can be nice, comfort doesn’t always lead to growth.Safety + Discomfort -> GrowthLindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jul 2020

37 min 21 sec

Alternatives to people pleasing:The importance of wanting.Charity: pure love.Permission to say “no” helps saying “yes” genuinely come from you.Do you think you should be abandoned? Do you think you are worth being married too? I mean the REAL you. We make this about how others judge us, but it’s about how we judge ourselves.If people you care about are upset with you, and you don’t see this as anything having gone wrong, how different would your approach be?How to show up and support your spouse even better in this situation.Personal experience with doing the dishes.If you are not in a position to talk about something at the moment, say “no” and find another time that can be a genuine “yes” from both of you.It’s not other people’s job to like me, that’s my job.“I love you. And, ’No.’”Improve your life and relationships through less people pleasing.You can do things you don’t want to do, just tell yourself the truth about it.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jul 2020

24 min 53 sec

People pleasing comes up a lot with people we work with.It promotes shame and secrecy, not being authentic to yourself.It can interfere with intimacy and connection and healthier relationship.How we see this show up in people’s marriages.The term “people pleasing” sounds too pretty, too pleasant.We’re talking about what people pleasing really is.How to spot it.Why we do it.Why it can almost feel like life-or-death.How to do something constructive about it.Some personal experiences.Maybe you’re worried that honesty with her will limit your access to porn AND to sex with her at the same time.If you don’t know how to control your habits/urges yet, or how to want life without porn, this can be very threatening.Why trying to change how your spouse feels (help them feel better) isn’t always the most useful approach.Part 2 coming next week.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jul 2020

29 min 22 sec

What kind of thoughts are grounding?Which ones aren’t?Thoughts create Feelings, Feelings drive Actions, Actions create Results.The results in your life start with your thoughts.Thoughts are optional.What if you knew that you could handle any emotion or body sensation (or urge) that came your way?What would that be like?How do you start creating a more fully engaged human experience for yourself?Reframing things in your mind can make all the difference. So let’s do it intentionally. Because it’s life-changing in all the most important ways.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jul 2020

20 min 9 sec

Like an electrical circuit, the human body has energy and even literally electricity flowing through it.Thoughts and emotions have energy to them.But what do you do when it feels like there is a short circuit?What can you do with the excess energy or the energy that’s stuck? Or with emotional pain that seems overwhelming?Or with urges that seem overpowering?Grounding is a place to start.It is a skill you can learn.Some activities may be more naturally grounding for you. Find what works for you.Some different ideas on how to approach grounding.When it comes down to it, where you place your focus can make almost any activity either grounding or not grounding.Tune in to Part 2 next week for tips on how to involve that most important part in your grounding. The part of you where it all begins: your brain.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jun 2020

38 min 15 sec

How do you approach your decisions about money in your marriage?Do you feel insecure? Get defensive? Do you just defer to the one making the money to make the “big” money decisions?This comes up for people all the time in our conversations with them.When Danny stopped working for a time, and Lindsay began working, it felt like our world got turned upside down.It was challenging. There were doubts, insecurities, friction to be worked through.You don’t need your circumstances to become drastic or dire to learn these valuable lessons from our experience. You may able to relate to the unhelpful thinking patterns we discovered during this time.Why we struggle having conversations about money or making decisions about money as a couple?Some helpful strategies.Some alternative ways to think about it without limiting yourself.What it means to be a provider and why this is so important.How going to bat for yourself can actually help your loved one and your relationship.A funny example.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jun 2020

44 min 25 sec

Deciding is one of the most powerful things we do. In fact, all of your power starts with deciding.How are you directing that power?What holds you back?What decisions might you be making without even realizing it?We are talking about how your brain might be behaving in these situations, and how you can better utilize that machinery to create the life you want. To make the change you’ve been looking for. To take some of that weight off of your shoulders.You are probably lugging more weight around with you than you realize with your approach to decisions.How to unload the heavy backpack, and take your next step forward in a new direction.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jun 2020

39 min 34 sec

What are your current results in life and why do you have those results?If you know you want something more, don’t get ahead of yourself.First, it’s so important to understand why you are where you are now. Doing so will allow you to create new results in your life. We are using the Self-Coaching Model to explain how to start this process.How it has impacted us personally. How it is impacting clients.What blindspots might you have in your own brain/thought patterns?Even though actions are what create results, your results ultimately start somewhere else.Results are evidence of your underlying, optional, thinking.An example of a real person’s model.How to map out your desired results. How to follow through with your desired actions instead of fizzling out along the way. Hint: more will power is not the answer.Why we think we need to change the past or other people.Use the energy of “It’s possible” when choosing your desired results.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Jun 2020

36 min 43 sec

Some people say “I don’t have time for feelings, I just need to get the job done.” But what they don’t know is that feelings help get the job done.That’s why we are talking about feelings in this episode. If you want to achieve your goals, get out of pain, improve your life, grow, then feelings are crucial.Many of us naturally disconnect from our feelings.Feelings drive your actions.What are they? Where do they come from?Where do I start? How do we approach them without getting overwhelmed?What if it feels awkward, uncomfortable.How to get intentional with your feelings and influence what feelings you have by choice. Instead of just waiting to see what the feelings-weather is like that day or getting run over by the feelings bus.Feeling feelings cannot harm you. Resisting them can.Physical sensations vs. Feelings (emotions)If you are not taking the action you want to see from yourself, it is because of something you are feeling.Some steps to get you started so you can use your feelings to your advantage.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

May 2020

33 min 12 sec

What stories about your problem do you assume to be true?We’re discussing why this is so important to look at. How it can reduce your pain. How it can empower you to take control of your life in a new way. How it can help you create results you don’t even currently realize are possible.Some personal examples.Could the stories you tell in your brain be creating your results in your life? Could they be optional?Circumstances (Facts):-neutral data points that have happened in the world-something about which everyone agrees-no adjectives or judgmentsThoughts (Story):-sentences in your mind-things we think about the neutral circumstances-opinions/perspectives-create feelings-are always optionalThoughts seem like circumstances. Thoughts affect everything.A helpful exercise: question everything you think is a circumstance.Some examples of thoughts (story) and circumstances (facts) that we commonly see with married couples and pornography.The difference between talking with a friend/family member compared to talking to a coach.Use feelings as a clue where to start in managing your own mind.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

May 2020

34 min 50 sec

Why are we talking about this?-for people who want to heal from past injuries-but also for people trying to get in the game and perform at a higher levelDanny’s experience with PTSD. Lindsay’s experience with numbing.Our bodies want to heal. Period. Not only physically but also emotionally.3 steps to intentional healing:-safety-correction-repetitionBe your own biggest proponent for your healthcare and healing in general.This is not only about healing and recovering from past injuries (physical or emotional), but also about the future. If you became really skilled at healing, what would that mean for you?What goals could you go for more confidently? What could you create? What kinds of failures could you tolerate on the way to success?Some useful questions to ask when your body gives you physical cues.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

May 2020

30 min 22 sec