Married With Benefits™

Brian Goins

We got married because we thought we’d be better together rather than apart. So why is it so easy to feel isolated from your life-long partner? Host, author, and fellow married pilgrim, Brian Goins, tackles the relational pitfalls, from the trivial to the tragic, that move couples towards isolation rather than experiencing the real benefits that come from saying “I do.”

All Episodes

Gathered from a live audience at FamilyLife's Love Like You Mean It cruise, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn and Brian Goins answer a variety of questions from husbands--like, "Why does she ask for my opinion, then do her own thing?" "Why does she pick on my tone of voice?" "Why doesn't she say what she means?" "How can I convince her I think she looks good?" "How am I supposed to avoid fix-it mode when she talks?" Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ Come join us for romance and relaxation in 2021 on FamilyLife's Love Like You Mean It® marriage cruise. https://www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

Jul 2020

31 min 12 sec

Trying to figure out why your wife expects you to know what she's thinking? Does trying to interpret all that mystery feel frustrating, even exhausting? Brian, Shaunti, and guest Jim Mitchell explore how to uncover what's whirring beneath the surface in a way that makes your wife feel known--and significantly improve your relationship. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2938-for-men-only-revised-and-updated.aspx For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2937-for-women-only-revised-and-updated.aspx Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

Jul 2020

24 min 56 sec

In this episode, Brian, Jen, and Shaunti address the common insecurities husbands experience in conflict with their wives. At work they feel they can tackle anything, but everything changes at home when emotions enter the scene. Are you curious why late-night arguments leave you feeling outmatched? Or why you'd rather withdraw to think before processing together? Listen for the reasons behind your feelings and for some healthy conflict management tips. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com Shaunti's book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. The little things that make a BIG difference! https://shaunti.com/tb-books/surprising-secrets-highly-happy-marriages/ From Season 1: Why Is He So Touchy? https://www.familylife.com/podcast/married-with-benefits/2-why-is-he-so-touchy/ Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ "When Sinners Say 'I Do': Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage" by Dave Harvey.  https://www.amazon.com/When-Sinners-Say-Do-Discovering/dp/0976758261 Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

Jun 2020

27 min 57 sec

Husbands all over the world struggle to understand and respond to their wife's tears. Considering two thirds of women admit to crying for no reason, they have good reason to. Curious why women cry so much? Shaunti and Brian, joined by Brian's wife Jen, dig into the "why" behind women's tears and some helpful "dos" and "don'ts" as you move towards your wife. Also learn how God responds to our tears. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2938-for-men-only-revised-and-updated.aspx For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2937-for-women-only-revised-and-updated.aspx Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

Jun 2020

26 min 30 sec

In season #1 of Married With Benefits we explained what a wife can learn about the mind of her husband from watching ESPN. Here Brian and Shaunti explain the heart of most wives as revealed in Hallmark movies. What core question is she asking that a good love story answers? What insecurities does she carry that she's hoping you will cover? Good news: You don't need to go ice skating or build a rocking chair out of raw cedar to win her heart every day. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com Hallmark Christmas Movie Plot Generator: https://wronghands1.com/2019/11/29/hallmark-christmas-movie-plot-generator/ From Season 1: "Why Doesn’t My Marriage Look Anything Like a Hallmark Movie?" https://www.familylife.com/podcast/married-with-benefits/14-why-doesnt-my-marriage-look-anything-like-a-hallmark-movie/ Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2938-for-men-only-revised-and-updated.aspx Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

Jun 2020

26 min 48 sec

Does it feel like decisions are never final with your wife? Does she like to "taaaaaaaaaalk" things thru way too long? And what should you do when it feels like she's questioning a decision you've made and felt was final? Host Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn explore this common experience with humor, wisdom, and insight on how to finally "lock in" her answer. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2938-for-men-only-revised-and-updated.aspx For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2937-for-women-only-revised-and-updated.aspx Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

Jun 2020

21 min 15 sec

How can a couple restore trust in the area of sexual brokenness (pornography, affairs, etc.)? Licensed sex therapist Dr. Michael Sytsma joins host Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn to instruct husbands and wives on the necessary steps to take to bring the darkness into the light and tenaciously hold on to the God of hope. Show Notes and Resources From season 1: "Questions Every Wife is Asking: How Can A Good Man Be Tempted By Porn?" https://www.familylife.com/podcast/married-with-benefits/3-how-can-a-good-man-be-tempted-by-porn/ Meet our guest today, Dr. Mike Sytsma. https://intimatemarriage.org/project/dr-mike/ Are you looking to invest in your marriage or repair broken trust? https://www.familylife.com/weekend-to-remember/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

Jun 2020

40 min 22 sec

As crazy as it sounds, it's not uncommon for trust to be broken within a marriage and the husband not even realize it. Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn are joined by FamilyLife Today co-host Ann Wilson to offer hope and wise counsel for couples needing to restore trust between them. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com Check out Dave and Ann Wilson's Vertical Marriage Study. https://www.familylife.com/verticalmarriagestudy/ Ready to get away with your spouse for the weekend and invest in your marriage? https://www.familylife.com/weekend-to-remember/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

May 2020

30 min 11 sec

Have you ever wondered why, just when your mind is shutting down for the night, your wife's mind seems to be just getting started? Married with Benefits host Brian Goins, along with Harvard trained researcher Shaunti Feldhahn, discuss this and reveal a simple truth that explains so much about your wife. And they offer 3 steps you can take to navigate this late-night impasse. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com If you have a heart for families in your community, and want to see your marriage make a difference in the world, check out FamilyLife Local. https://www.familylife.com/local/ Dr. Gary Chapman and Ron Deal join together in this book to teach you how the five love languages can help your blended family. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/book/building-love-together-in-blended-families/ For more great Ron Deal resources, check out FamilyLife Blended. https://www.familylife.com/familylifeblended/about/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

May 2020

20 min 56 sec

Husbands, do you get tired head in conversations with your wife as she circles the airport but never lands the plane? Listen as Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn demystify this very common frustration. Understand the brain science behind these exchanges and, more importantly, learn two easy ways to start winning in these moments as the hero of her heart. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

May 2020

24 min 56 sec

Your wife can't really be attracted to your "dad bod" right? A lot of guys assume they need to be workout warriors to be desiraable, but the reality is that a trip to the doctor is probably way more attractive to your wife than another tip to the gym. Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn offer husbands two tips for taking care of yourself, and one question you can ask that your wife will find irresistible. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com "Achieving a ‘Dad Bod’: Try This Hilarious 21-Day Guide" by David Tate. https://www.rd.com/funny-stuff/how-to-get-a-dad-bod/ "When Sinners Say 'I Do': Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage" by Dave Harvey.  https://www.amazon.com/When-Sinners-Say-Do-Discovering/dp/0976758261 For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2938-for-men-only-revised-and-updated.aspx Looking to getaway with your spouse? Check out our 2021 Love Like You Mean It Cruise. https://www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

May 2020

26 min 34 sec

In episode 2.1 you heard the top 5 "rookie mistakes" of husbands who want more sex with their wives. Now learn from host Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn your top 5 "all-star moves." You got this! Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com For more from Dr. Juli Slattery, visit  https://www.authenticintimacy.com/. Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/

May 2020

5 min 41 sec

In episode 2, we were joined by Dr. Juli Slattery, co-founder and President of Authentic Intimacy, to dive deep into the question, "Why can't my wife focus more on sex." Here, host Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn keep it simple as they offer a quick-hit list of the top 5 rookie mistakes of husbands who just want more sex with their wife. Husbands, if you find yourself relating to any of these rookie mistakes...Come on man! Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com For more from Dr. Juli Slattery, visit  https://www.authenticintimacy.com/. Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/

May 2020

7 min 34 sec

Husbands often ask, "Why can't my wife focus more on sex?" Dr. Juli Slattery, co-founder and President of Authentic Intimacy, joins host Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn to answer this important question. Learn how most women are wired sexually; Hint: it's not what you think. Find out how to answer her #1 question and meet her #1 need. Discover why, if God's design seems complicated and frustrating, that's actually a good thing for you and your marriage. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com For more from Dr. Juli Slattery, visit  https://www.authenticintimacy.com/. Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2938-for-men-only-revised-and-updated.aspx For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-2937-for-women-only-revised-and-updated.aspx 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex and Intimacy by Juli Slattery. https://shop.familylife.com/p-4784-25-questions-youre-afraid-to-ask-about-love-sex-and-intimacy.aspx Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

May 2020

37 min 11 sec

Research shows that many women struggle with hidden insecurities and find it difficult to believe that their own husbands see them as beautiful. Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn explain what drives a woman's feelings of inadequacy. They explain what to do and what not to do to overcome her fears in love. Discover practical ways to put her heart at ease and prove how much you truly do delight in your wife. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. https://shaunti.com Sign up for the "I Do Every Day" devotional series. https://www.familylife.com/ido/ Your generous support of FamilyLife helps create podcasts like Married With Benefits™. https://donate.familylife.com/married-with-benefits/

May 2020

30 min 10 sec

Season one of "Married With Benefits" comes to a close in glorious, speed-round fashion as Brian Goins, alongside Shaunti Feldhahn, enters the arena like a gladiator and fields rapid-fire questions live from a women's conference crowd of over 1000. "Why can't my husband multitask?" "Why does he flip channels so fast?" "Why does he go run errands and vanish?" The questions came fast (and sometimes furious), but Brian and Shaunti were up to the task. Find out if your burning question made the show. Show Notes and Resources Learn more about upcoming Aspire Women's Events. https://aspirewomensevents.com/ More from Shaunti Feldhahn at Shaunti.com.  https://shaunti.com/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.  https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/

Sep 2019

23 min 6 sec

No, your husband doesn't act like those guys in the Hallmark movies. Not even close. Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins explain why that's by God's design and why it's actually a good thing for you and for your marriage. Don't worry, it doesn't mean you need to cut the Hallmark channel. In fact, there are three ways those movies can make you love your normal, real-life husband even more than you already do! Show Notes and Resources More from Shaunti Feldhahn at Shaunti.com.  https://shaunti.com/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.  https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/

Sep 2019

21 min 34 sec

Does your husband sort of “power down” after work right when you need to talk? Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins demystify this common frustration and offer tips for making your evenings more relational. Learn why some questions draw your husband out of his hole, while others prompt only grunts. Gain a simple tip for his drive home that will make life easier on both of you. And discover one thing ESPN knows about gaining and holding your husband’s attention and why you should steal it. Show Notes and Resources More from Shaunti Feldhahn at Shaunti.com.  https://shaunti.com/ Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.  https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/

Sep 2019

23 min 8 sec

A husband who shifts into "fix it" mode without taking time to truly understand, or glazes over after only 3 minutes of listening, will only frustrate his wife and make the problem worse-the opposite of what he intends. So how can you avoid this very common experience and instead create interactions that leave you feeling heard without treating him like "one of the girls"? Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins explain a process with two critical steps. If he brushes off step 1 or you neglect step 2, you both lose. Bonus: a pro tip just for wives to increase your odds of gaining his ear every time. Show Notes and Resources It's Not About The Nail video. (2 min. video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.  https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/ More from Shaunti Feldhahn at Shaunti.com.  https://shaunti.com/

Sep 2019

19 min 57 sec

Do men secretly wish their wives looked like bikini models? Thousands of men were surveyed and the results are in! Listen as Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins explain what the overwhelming majority said and the implications for normal marriages like yours. If you've tortured yourself with feelings of inadequacy or thoughts of never fitting into that ideal dress size again, take heart. Giving your husband what Shaunti calls "gleeful delight" is WAY easier than you imagine, if you're willing to make a little effort and maybe step out of your usual comfort zone.

Sep 2019

23 min 14 sec

Can you or your husband still have friends of the opposite sex? It’s a lightning-rod question that sparks strong emotions on both sides. Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins say yes, but with a few wise caveats (#itscomplicated). Should you use the “Mike Pence rule” or have no rules at all? How can you keep friendships from going too far? And what are seven diagnostic questions you can ask to guard your marriage without putting your head in the sand? Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.

May 2019

26 min 11 sec

Okay, so what's with the video games? Wasn't your husband supposed to leave those behind in his childhood? Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins, along with special guest Ryan Guinee of FamilyLife, discuss the unique challenges gaming presents in marriage. Every wife married to a gamer knows the backlash if she confronts this sensitive area, but there are practical things you can do to make the conversation easier and hopefully get some win/win boundaries set in your home. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.

May 2019

28 min 52 sec

Couples trying to balance work and family face the pull of two competing priorities—financial security and relationship connection. Even in dual-income homes, it's common for the husband and wife to fall on different ends of that value spectrum. Typically, but not always, he values being at the office while she wishes they had more time together. If you can relate, listen as Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins explain how and when to discuss all this. And if your husband is especially prone to workaholism, learn four ways to disarm the pressure he feels and together find the work/home balance you desire. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.

May 2019

25 min 1 sec

Honey, the trash needs to go out, but please don't take it now because I like having to ask 12 times, said NO WIFE EVER! So why is this such a common experience? Are husbands really that uncaring? Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins explain what's really behind this and how to move a husband to action without nagging. Hint: Husbands who avoid chores often have a deep desire to tackle projects, and to feel heroic loving you in the process. Learn to ask "when" and to ask once. And gain practical steps for handling those pesky, repetitive, daily tasks that can make or break your home life. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.

May 2019

24 min 29 sec

Does your husband always try to carry the groceries in a single trip? You may be surprised when you learn why he does that. Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins crack open the mystery and explain why he risks breaking all those eggs. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.

Apr 2019

12 min 53 sec

Show your husband unconditional respect? Yeah, right. What if he doesn't deserve it? Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins talk through the difficulties faced by many wives whose husbands make it really hard to show respect. Wives knows this can be tricky, so Shaunti explains the practical steps used by couples who've turned the corner toward transformation and change. She describes the biggest "little wins" you can make, and what you can do when his behavior has zero respectability. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.

Apr 2019

35 min 3 sec

Do you and your husband butt heads over the kids? Are you often stuck being the disciplinarian while he gets to be the fun parent? Why would God put together two parents that are bent in such different directions? Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins give three tips for handling those moments when you reach a parenting impasse ... plus a secret to helping your husband see things from your point of view. Remember, parenting stuff always becomes marriage stuff. Even your differences can pull you together. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.

Apr 2019

31 min 13 sec

Porn is disgusting, right? It's fake, gross, destructive, and downright sad. So, how could a good man be tempted by it? Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins take an honest look at a topic many wives find impossible to relate to, but are surprised to learn how easy it is to understand. There's no excusing this sin, but there is solid brain science and biblical insight to help you make sense of it, and maybe even empathize with your husband's struggle. Plus, you'll learn what to do if you've just discovered that your husband has been viewing porn. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com.

Apr 2019

36 min 2 sec

Does your husband sulk or get angry over the weirdest things? Ever wonder why he is so touchy? Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins discuss common male triggers and what's really underneath those strange reactions. Understand what's happening deep inside his heart, and be assured-it's not your fault. Even so, you can help make him feel okay again. Learn how to read your husband's tells and master the single best thing you can say in those moments. And learn to follow a simple "next day rule" that could help eliminate these conflicts altogether. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. The Seekers are an Australian folk-influenced pop quartet, originally formed in Melbourne in 1962.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seekers

Apr 2019

35 min 11 sec

Do you long to make deep, heart-to-heart connections with your husband? You might be surprised to learn that he wants the same thing. But his efforts come in disguise. Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins explore the topic of sex and why this simple physical act carries such complex emotional weight for your husband. Understand the difference between assertive desire and receptive desire. Learn what to do when you're tired. Discover why your desire for your husband (not just the physical act of sex) is what delights him and gives him a sense of well-being. Show Notes and Resources For more from Shaunti Feldhahn, visit Shaunti.com. Read the Blog post from Sex therapist Dr. Michael Sytsma, offers hope, encouragement, and direction to wives who have a stronger sexual drive than their husbands – a situation that probably happens in one of five marriages.  https://shaunti.com/2015/11/when-she-has-the-stronger-sex-drive-part-one/

Apr 2019

36 min 35 sec