Dead Rat Pizza

Dead Rat PIzza

Dead Rat Pizza was founded in 2019. It’s an obnoxious podcast with no real focus. We talk about whatever we want, and we’re usually drunk. Topics include life, anime, video games, and dick jokes.

Dead Rat Pizza is intended for a mature audience. Listener discretion is advised.

All Episodes

Diana joins me as we navigate the controversy brewing on Witch Tok Tok. We also talk a look at the term sadboi. Big Milk is coming to cancel me after this episode.

Jul 2020

1 hr 32 min

Dead Rat Pizza is back with less cum than ever. This is mostly a Grappler Baki podcast. Noel and I talk about the latest season that Netflix produced. It should go without say that there are a lot of spoilers, but Baki is a show about punching. Spoilers don't really matter. We also talk about Onlyfans, Falling Down, Joker, and The OC. A good time was had by all!

Jul 2020

2 hr 18 min

It's been over six months since Diana was on a show. Holy cow! We talk about her secret past as a backyard wrestle. We discuss the pros and cons of using services like OnlyFans. Diana also talks about playing Final Fantasy 7 for the first time. There's also a lot of talk about a lot of talk about different fetishes you see in porn. Because of course that comes up. Do you have the Horny Coronavirus? Alex Jones sure does.

May 2020

2 hr 33 min

I'm pretty sure me and Ryan recorded this a month ago. Eh. At least I finally edited it. I think we talked about Final Fantasy and a bunch of other video game stuff. Pumpkins and corn also feature prominently in the middle somewhere.

May 2020

2 hr 47 min

What do you think about camping? Is it as good as Final Fantasy 7? Those things are probably related. Does anyone remember Billy Hatcher or is it just me? The episode is a few weeks old. My bad.

May 2020

2 hr 37 min

More nonsense. Less cohosts. Em went to sleep, but we stayed up to tell a story about a guy that got a little too curious in the bathroom one day. Are dildos essential items? Maybe, but some guy in a video we watched disagreed and said so on the news. I guess we also said stuff about video games.

Apr 2020

1 hr 54 min

This week I'm joined by Ryan and Em! We talk about Wrestlemania and how to grow your dick with magic fruit. We also look at weird art and tiny apartments. Sorry in advanced to anyone that hates wrestling. There's a lot of it in here.

Apr 2020

1 hr 28 min

Pour yourself a tall glass of whiskey because it's time to talk about anime. Sorry about that. There's an extended Grapple Baki bit in the middle. I educate Ryan on unions and striking. Don't you worry, though, there's still plenty of nonsense. I also watched a show about Jesus called The Chosen. It was pretty dope, but the creator would probably be embarrassed that it came up on a podcast about dick jokes.

Apr 2020

2 hr 16 min

More podcasts that you didn't ask for. I went to the grocery store aka a war zone. Taboo porn is wild and I introduce Ryan to it. Why are the worlds in RPGs so tiny but everything is the end of the world? Don't Fuck with Cats was uncomfortable. Video games with bad voice acting happened a lot in the Playstation era. Fuck the Hype House. But at least Cuomo has his nipples pierced. Bring back Jet Grind Radio. The Dreamcast ruled!

Apr 2020

1 hr 50 min

Time means nothing so I'm posting two episodes this week. Deal with it, slackers! Ryan is back and harder than ever. I've been watching too much junk getting smashed on Snapchat. I introduce Ryan to Loveline. Parking in New York is stupid and so are you! Does anyone actually know how to do taxes. I sure miss bars. Didn't stop me from getting hammered and teaching Ryan about making podcast promos, though.

Mar 2020

2 hr 4 min

It's Ryan's Dead Rat Pizza debut. That means we accidentally did a two hour podcast about video games. Did anyone else play the Final Fantasy VII Remake demo? I have a very lazy way of playing video games. The number of games I haven't beaten due to glitches and giving up is high. If you ever wanted to know what we think about every Legend of Zelda game, this is the podcast for you! This is also the fastest I've ever released an episode. Wow!

Mar 2020

1 hr 57 min

I regret to inform you that this is the last episode with Large Bears in it. For now. However, we go hard in this one, so it's going to be okay. We open with talk of clogging toilets, which is oddly prescient considering the state of affairs. We also talk about some projects I worked on that you can watch now. Are porn sites too secure. I guess they don't want anyone stealing your identity to beat off. Buying wine is an adventure. Pure White Claw sucks on its own, but makes a good mixer. There's a ten minutes porn theory in here somewhere. Also a story about how I survived two bomb threats in a row when I was in elementary school.

Mar 2020

1 hr 25 min

This episode opens up hard with butt stuff right out the gate. What is wrong with us? Some lunatic glued MAGA hats on some pigeons. The birds and homeless people in Minneapolis are out of control. In general, don't trust birds. Some lady threatened to rob a McDonald's over $2 in sauce charges. Also, some nutball fucked a stuffed animal in a Target. Cheers!

Mar 2020

1 hr 17 min

Hot damn! We're back. For now. This was recorded in my friend Paul's dining room in Minneapolis, MN. Whoa! Tony Large Bears joins me for this block of episodes. Remember that guy? We talk about how I'm a shill for Apple products. Taco John's isn't doing it for me anymore. Taco Bell is the new king, but it makes Tony throw up. Tomatoes are Satan's apples, so don't eat them until your smush them first. Tony taught his kids when it's okay to swear. I'm probably going to die in a Target bathroom. Should we sell kids blood on the dark web? Probably. I also misspoke about a few bits. I said that New York didn't have a plastic bag ban. That's false. At the time of recording, it was true, but I'm also a moron and didn't know that it was going to happen. We also didn't do any research on the menthol ban in MN and got our facts wrong. Some people think it's a racist law, others think that's its anti-racist. Here's an interesting article that discusses the issue better than I ever could.

Mar 2020

1 hr 5 min

It's part two of our milk show! Diana and Tucker are back. We're all pretty drunk. It's a mess. We talk about how statues are for cowards. Blue balls was invented by the government to increase blowjob frequency. If you've ever taken your penis out in public, you're probably a cop. I tell the story about how Dope may or may not have put a venue in MN out of business. We also listen to a scary story about drinking too much milk. Enjoy. Or not. I don't care.

Oct 2019

1 hr 48 min

It took damn near a year to do it, but we made it to episode ten! Diana and Tucker join me on this most dangerous podcast. We talk about the threat that is mayo, eagles painting cows to look like zebras, and Chris "The Angry Bagel Guy" Morgan's standup. We also tried some mediocre hot sauce.

Oct 2019

1 hr 36 min

I'm back with Tucker again, and this time I've had too many beers. Join us as I play an overabundance of clips and steal jokes from other podcasts.

Oct 2019

1 hr 21 min

Back again with more nonsense for your ear holes! This time I'm joined by Tucker of the Big Dumb Dummies. We mostly talk about wet bread and butt plugs. Enjoy the show.

Oct 2019

1 hr 1 min

In this episode, Diana tells a story about Bagel Boss that you will not believe. We also ask some of the harder hitting questions like how to improve your dick pic game. Are you a fuck boy? Maybe. Find out in this exciting episode of Dead Rat Pizza!

Aug 2019

1 hr 16 min

The month long hiatuses are probably getting old. My bad. Diana is back after spending three months fighting sharks at the bottom of the sea. The opening of this show is really nerdy. If you hate anime, you'll want to skip 30-minutes ahead. I almost exclusively talk about Otakon. The rest of the show is the usual nonsense. We talk about 1-800-VICTIM2, really terrible underground Minneapolis rappers, and movies about cannibals. Enjoy the show, kids!

Aug 2019

1 hr 30 min

Jul 2019

1 hr 3 min

No one asked for more of this, but here it is. What Did We Talk About? Ballin’ Out Super promo. Let’s Talk About Bleach. Anime Pulse. The Witcher on Netflix. Pauly Provolone and Tony Lasagna . my_husband_jesus_christ_lives6. Jesus Aguilera. Clogged toilet. How I was almost sold for parts. Daddy Dada is saving women. Bodega electrician. Creeps be creeping. The Return of the Blowmaster 5000. The Lifestyles of Joel and Max. All night skates.

Jul 2019

1 hr 12 min

Sorry for ghosting you for over a month. Here's the first of three episodes I recorded with Noel over the weekend. What Did We Talk About? Shaqs anime shack.Usher and the Progression of the Teenage Fuck Boy.Belle Delphines bath water.Harmony Gold renews Robotech.Good ol' fashion Midwestern racism.Why can’t I lean left and be an asshole?White Power Milk.Really offensive homework projects.Donald Trump invented Twitter.Weed pens.Avocados.

Jul 2019

1 hr 4 min

Fuck me, I'm solo this time. Join me as I drunkenly sift through scammy advertisements for pick up artist tutorials. This episode is so bad I pass out for two minutes at one point.

May 2019

1 hr 47 min

This is mostly about secret jack off clubs. What Did We Talk About? Masturbation clubs.Calm Thursday.The Autoblow 2.Grass fed beef.The Bachelor.Diana’s backyard wrestling adventures.I forgot headaches existed.Buying gum is stupid.The Disney World Conspiracy.The Mall of America picture hustle.

May 2019

1 hr 13 min

Diana is back for what will likely be her penultimate appearance on the show. This one is mostly about old TV shows we watched in high school. What Did We Talk About? Does anyone remember Critter GittersThe Mr. Potato Head Show was wildSecret TV timeThe monsters are going to get youScary naked dick man with a knifeThe Dark Backward2getherUndressedBearforce 1

May 2019

57 min 39 sec

Noel joins me for part two of this shenanigans power hour. What Did We Talk About? Bartender by T-Pain.Mick Foley’s daughter does cosplay.The Attitude Era of WWF.Sleepovers used to be cool.Trampolines were dope, too.John McAfee fucks with guns.Be careful of those emo kids.Furries be yiffing.The Mia Khalifa song.Belle Delphine is out of her mind.

Apr 2019

1 hr 26 min

It's Dead Rat Radio. This is something I've been wanting to do for the last few weeks. It's exactly what the name implies. I play a bunch of music. Most of it can be found on Spotify. A few songs are from my personal collection.

Apr 2019

1 hr 33 min

Noel is back to bring the pain. What Did We Talk About? Breakfast cereal sucks.Fuck sequins.Weird bodega food.Bad movies for first dates.Zoolander the cartoon.The Mask comic book series.Kickass comic book series.The Slim Shady Show.Buying porn at Sex World.Magical Girl Site spoilers.Don't pee out the window.Subway gift cards.The Starbucks Egg Run.The Return of Load Master.Gas station dick pills.The Brooklyn Public Library rap studio.

Apr 2019

1 hr 6 min

This episode is late because I decided that drinking was more important than editing. I didn't listen to this one all the way through because Diana decided to Marie Kondo me last week and I'm not in the mood to listen to her talk for an hour. Pretty sure this episode is about meat and Fall Out Boy.

Apr 2019

1 hr 25 min

This week I'm joined by Diana from Femsplained.   What Did We Talk About?   Hot-Sight 2020. Paul needs daddy practice. Teaching Paul how to use tinder. Running someone else tinder. I'm still mad about milk. Porn needs to let people know when pee is involved. Can we make reverse pickles. Uber in MN sucks. Diana’s best Uber ride. How diana almost got kidnapped. Galactic pizza trivia night.

Mar 2019

1 hr

Hey kids! This is the final part of the return of Tony Large Bears. When is he coming back? Who could know.   What Did We Talk About?   Streaming vs. home video releases of porn. Baby currency. Joe-ing off with your bros. Lost Bets Games. Awkward porn dialog. Putting food in your vagina. Cats are filthy creatures. What if cats got us high. Ramon: The Monster of Cock. Girl steals Papa John's delivery car. Women caught masturbating in public. Man attacks wife with Taco Bell burrito. Don't inject cum in your back. The terrible things we did to our dicks in 2018.

Mar 2019

1 hr 17 min

More dining room podcasts with Tony Large Bears!   What Did We Talk About?   Car troubles. How Killer Queen gave me a daddy complex. Weird Instagram model descriptions. Dom-in-Training. Tinder is a wasteland. Me thinks the lady doth protests too much. Cosplay shenanigans. People be hacking our butt plugs. Sex robot uprising. Taco Bell and chill. Egg drop soup. The order of operations in the bathroom. Dicks out for computer repair. It's hard to get a UTI when you have a big ween.

Mar 2019

1 hr 1 min

God damn! This next batch of episodes features a very special guest: Tony Large Bears. I also recorded this episode in my friends dining room, so there's that.   What Did We Talk About?   Getting onto iTunes is hard. KVSC Trivia Weekend. Spilling bourbon on my MacBook. The MN gas crisis. The Whiskey, Burger King, Taco Bell Diet. Tony loves throwing up at airports. The best airport to puke in. Knife cocaine is one hell of a drug. That time I almost got caught self-completing by a home invader. Drunk people going into the wrong house. How I accidentally didn't hook up with a sorority girl. Tin Cup, the grab-and-go bourbon. Ham's Sandwich Shop. Mystery door food in Manhattan. The Seafood Lady of Bed-Stuy. Cheap cigarettes. The airport bar hustle.

Mar 2019

1 hr 4 min

We're back! And I'm fucking wasted. Don't do your podcast drunk, kids. I cut out a TEN MINUTE conversation about couches that went nowhere. Noel joins on this episode to talk about the time I destroyed my neighbors bathroom when they weren't home.   What Did We Talk About?   Pregaming your dick. The Bobrick Pledge. Fuck Google! The Great Poop Day. The time I got drugged. Fuck milk! Horny on main. Porn lore. Microwave quirks. Unbreakable, Split, and Glass. Erotic Bigfoot novel. Mountain lion gets choked out.    

Feb 2019

1 hr 32 min

Holy shit it's the first episode of Dead Rat Pizza. I was going to post this on Monday, but Twitter told me it was National Pizza Day. I'm joined on this inaugural episode by licensed comedy boy, Noel.   Part two will be out February 25, 2019.   What Did We Talk About?   Drunk Twitter shenanigans. Seamless needs an important update. Loveline is to blame for this stupid podcast. Uncomfortable Uber rides. The Super Bowl happened. Is Liam Neeson racist? My crazy bed. Praise Bobrick.    

Feb 2019

1 hr 39 min