I decided to stop taking self pity and stop giving kindness to those who didn't deserve it.
Long story short:
I rented a room in the @rechenzentrum (a beautiful place in my favourite city: Potsdam), I put all my stuff in there and searched for: "how to produce" on youtube.
Four frustrating months later, I finally had something to show: my first self-made demo.
I kept going, kept evolving and found my sound. something that we casually call Donner-Pop.